Am I asking too much?

Setting up a cartridge is not hard at all and it would benefit you to learn. If you can use a tiny screwdriver and tweezers you are all set. For what you will spend to have it installed you can buy the appropriate tools. If you need assistance I am sure several of us, myself included, would be happy to do this in real time. Did the Reed come with a protractor? 

I'm not sure all dealers are capable of doing a top notch set up. There's a big difference in performance between it works and sounds ok and really dialed in. When I lived in NY, I used Mike Trei as a set up guy- he's done countless turntable set ups and does many for dealers and distributors at shows. Is that worth $350 or whatever Mike currently charges? I guess it depends on your perspective. You are spending 7 grand or so on a cartridge. For me, I want to get the most out of the equipment and vinyl is not plug and play. Even for those of us who have been doing this a while. I set up Lord knows how many turntables back in the day, but I think we now know how much more can be extracted using a good arm, etc. 
When I moved to Austin, I found there was nobody around that did high end turntable set ups. So, I had to do I myself (a skill that I hadn't used in a while). The Koetsus aren't the easiest to set up either b/c the cantilever is pretty well hidden by the body, at least on the stone bodies. Sure, you can do it yourself and it's good to learn. But, do you want to do so on an expensive cartridge? I'd use somebody like Mike Trei in an instant if he were local to me. Others may have different priorities. I don't think the fact that a dealer uses an outside set up person is an indication that they are ripping you off. 

@mijostyn   
my 3P is a 12” cocobolo, 18g effective mass.  and yes, it came with a cardboard protractor.  

@whart 

my issue with the local dealer was not that he would use someone else to do set-up, but that he was telling me:  “good luck with that. if you want help, call this guy.  he won’t charge you that much.”  he also pretty obviously changed his story when i asked about it, which goes to integrity.  not cool.  

@mdalton- ultimately, you’re the one paying and have to be happy with the service you are getting. I know some buyers are price sensitive and will do set ups themselves. Finding a dealer that does it all, and discounts, isn’t so easy. I had several long term relationships during my 36+ years in NY; one was a dealer in Jersey who made house calls with gear, came to troubleshoot, whatever and his pricing was reasonable given the products involved.
If you are shopping Koetsu in the US, just be aware that some dealers will claim they are authorized but are selling gray market goods which means you won’t get any support if you want to send it back for rebuild, etc. MoFi Distribution is currently the authorized US distributor as far as I know. Good luck, I’ve gotten two stone bodies and both are fun to listen to, but different in presentation.