Headstone

I'm planning on a full Viking send off with the burning pyre on a boat launched to the sound of Steppenwolf. Of course, my corpse will be wearing a horned helmet. 

I keep getting these solicitations from a local crematorium. Like "buy now," "it's later than you think," etc. I was tempted to call them and ask if they'd give me a really big discount if I just walked in and they did me. 

They are a bunch of party poopers.

I could hear them now "You have to be dead",

BUT why?

Because.

Because why?

Look Mister we live on a busy street for a reason. If you time it just right coming out of Mass from across the street a car will knock you right in our parking lot..  You're done. Curbside pickup to boot.

Now go away kid ya bother me..

"Here I lie. Unfortunately, there is no God. Only worms."

Whiskey Bottles ,

And brand new cars,

Oak tree your in my way...

Oak tree you're in my way. (grammar police)