Someone else a ways back mentioned this record clamp but I just ran across the ad and it made me laugh!!
Introducing the Shun Mook Record Clamp at the low low price of 5.6k!! Get some magic beans with it too. Oh it also comes with unique powers! All the expensive antivibration devices people use to stomp out vibration and this claims to add some back in! LOL. Only the good ones though.
I got me some nice burl out in the yard. Maybe I'll whittle me up some of dem burls with the Old Grand Dad pocket knife and sell 2 fer one of the Shun Mooker. I'd be one rich sum bich.
"This record clamp is made from extremely rare pieces of dried ebony briar. The extra heavy century old ebony root which were immersed in the swamps of Africa has a unique power that no other wood possesses. The vibration generated by the diamond stylus in the vinyl groove besides inducing an electroflux through the phono-cartridge also excites the ebony molecules, causing it to resonate. This in turn is feed back through the stylus and is reproduced as expanded sound staging, enhanced separation, sharpened focus and enriched tonal balance of the music."