The effect of the Expanding Universe on turntables

Johnnantais: You are correct in stating that your spine curves more as you age. I am a Chiropractic Doctor. I can verify that all diseases of old age are due to the effect of the Expanding Universe upon the bones. The bones being more dense expand at a greater rate than soft tissue, hence the curvature forms.Also as the vertebrae expand the spinal nerves become pinced and thus back pain. This continual Universal Expansion also accounts for why eyesight deterioates since the lens expands over time and thus the focus changes. Also hair falls out because the hair shaft becomes to big for the follicle. The skull bones expand thus compresing the brain causing Alsheimers. The bones ofthe ear expand thus causing hearing problems. I would like to "cite" the expanding universe for causing this but I cannot find that it has broken any laws. Teeth fall out because they expanded faster than the tooth socket. Infact even weight gain can be attributed to this.

But if multi-dimentional super-string unification theories prove correct...

Jonnantais: Your siting the fact that Lencos mantain speed accuracy over long periods of time does NOT invalidate my hypotheses that the expanding universe effects turntable speed. The Swiss were genius enought o realize this effect and took it into consideration when they designed the Lenco. The Lenco's idler is much thinner and lighter weight than other idler pucks, it is less subjected to this continual expansion. The idle's narrow size and small mass reduces the effects of the Universe Expansion. Also your Lenco idler may be the non-metallic type that is less affected by the expansion and also immune to the eeffects of space curvature. In addition, the Lenco idler is unique in that it is at Right angles to the platter, thus it is in a different plane and dimension than the platter. A expansion of an idler in this configuartion will has no effect upon rotation speed.

Eienstein also stated that space AND time become more warped as the mass of an object increases and also as the rotation of the obect increases. This feature of Einsteins Special Theory accounts for the common observation among audiophiles that when listening to a record being played back on a turntable that has a very heavy platter of about 70 pounds, such as the Walker or the Rockport Sirius (see Michael Fremers Stereophile review)that the music seems to be playing much to slow, when in fact the RPM speed is tested to be perfect. This phono-nomenon is explained by the fact that the extra heavy and massive rotating platter creates a warpage in the fabric of the space-time continuum in the local vacinity of the heavy rotating mass. Although the listener is also in this warped time, field he (or she) will hear the sound as being to slow BECAUSE the bones of the inner ear beingnon-metallic and being the smallest bones in the body ( and shielded by the skull ) are somewhat immune to this time warpage, thus ONLY a live listener can act as a detector of the effect of time slowing in the vacinity of large rotating bodies, even though the electroninc measuring instruments show that the turntable is at accurate speed.

You are all so 4 dimensional. I bet you only have 2 ears as well.