The effect of the Expanding Universe on turntables

Since the Universe has been continually expanding after the Big Bang, then it stands to reason that all objects have expanded also , but not nessecarily in proper proportion. This means that the turntable you buy today will actually be larger(and contain more mass) at some date in the distant future (20 years?). I have now discovered why I have never had a used turntable (over 100 turntables) that is on accurate 33&1/3 RPM speed, even with quality synchronous motors. This phono-nomenon can only be attributed to the fact that all the motor parts and the platter are now larger and more massive than previously and thus the ratios of pullies and gears is no longer as designed (in the past), this is the only explanation I can offer as to why the speed of old turntables is faster than when new(by a small percent).It also explains why many older mechanical devices never work properly , no matter how well maintaied and repaired.
No, no, no! Even if what you postulate were true, the fact is that you and the planetary and galactic system of which you are a part, will also have expanded and sped up. Based on the theory of relativity, you would not perceive any difference. 33 1/3 rpm would still be 33 1/3 rpm because a minute would still be a minute.

Older mechanical devices don't work properly because they wear out. Unfortunately, relativity does not confer eternal youth, as you will find out, if you haven't already.
That is exactly the reason I bought a VPI SDS and a KAB speedstobe, so that I can calibrate and adjust the speed before every album side.
Einstein also stated that the SPACE-TIME in the vacinity of large objects such as planets is warped. Thus over a period of time the metallic parts of the turntable in this curved "field" can become permanently warped in size and shape. Even if these deformed metallic pullies, shafts,platters and motor rotor parts were replaced with new parts, the new metal parts would not fit properly. Hence old turntables will NEVER work properly to new factory specs of speed. I recommend continual monitoring of turntable speed. Also the turntables that have extremely heavy platters, 30lb to 70lb, have greater speedstability due to the fact these platters are less efected by thewarpage in space-time. This warpage along with the expansion of the Universe also accounts for why false teeth never fit correctly and and stylus pressure must be continually adjusted. In addition the rotation of the non-metallic platters creates a TIME-WARPAGE that can seriously effect the rotation speen.
But what if light loses energy over extremely long distances, as has been proposed by certain physicists? If this is so, then there is no expanding universe and turntables remain as they were created. In fact the Lencos support this theory, since apart from re-lubing there seems no appreciable decay with time, given a reasonable amount of care over the years: certainly, no Lenco which has passed through my hands has shown any significant signs of decay apart from cosmetic. The extremely stable speed even after more than 30 years of use puts to rest the expanding universe theory ;-). As to the curvature of space, since these 'tables were created in curved space in the first place and so are curved from the moment of creation, I don't see how time would increase the relative curvature of any mechanisms created within it, perhaps I'm missing something. I know my spine seems to be curving with age.
Um, you are seriously caught in the grip of an unrealistic and misguided quest for perfect accuracy if you think the expansion of the universe and space time curvature could possible be relevant to to the musical performance of objects of such middle size and duration as turntables. Why not just site the second law of thermodynamics and give up right there? Why not pick at the electronics, where there are transfers of energy approaching light speed, where everything gets all weird.

Honestly, people.
I would not disagree with the warpage of time and space. I think it allows for the variety of different reactions we have individually to sounds as well as sights. The problem really is we are all slightly warped in our preceptions and get more bent as time moves on.

You may have missed a certain tongue-in-cheek spirit here.

I prescribe continuous readings of Italo Calvino's, 'Cosmicomics' until your universe explodes!

P.S. I believe you intended to "cite" Newton's second law, not "site" it.

Johnnantais: You are correct in stating that your spine curves more as you age. I am a Chiropractic Doctor. I can verify that all diseases of old age are due to the effect of the Expanding Universe upon the bones. The bones being more dense expand at a greater rate than soft tissue, hence the curvature forms.Also as the vertebrae expand the spinal nerves become pinced and thus back pain. This continual Universal Expansion also accounts for why eyesight deterioates since the lens expands over time and thus the focus changes. Also hair falls out because the hair shaft becomes to big for the follicle. The skull bones expand thus compresing the brain causing Alsheimers. The bones ofthe ear expand thus causing hearing problems. I would like to "cite" the expanding universe for causing this but I cannot find that it has broken any laws. Teeth fall out because they expanded faster than the tooth socket. Infact even weight gain can be attributed to this.
Jonnantais: Your siting the fact that Lencos mantain speed accuracy over long periods of time does NOT invalidate my hypotheses that the expanding universe effects turntable speed. The Swiss were genius enought o realize this effect and took it into consideration when they designed the Lenco. The Lenco's idler is much thinner and lighter weight than other idler pucks, it is less subjected to this continual expansion. The idle's narrow size and small mass reduces the effects of the Universe Expansion. Also your Lenco idler may be the non-metallic type that is less affected by the expansion and also immune to the eeffects of space curvature. In addition, the Lenco idler is unique in that it is at Right angles to the platter, thus it is in a different plane and dimension than the platter. A expansion of an idler in this configuartion will has no effect upon rotation speed.
Eienstein also stated that space AND time become more warped as the mass of an object increases and also as the rotation of the obect increases. This feature of Einsteins Special Theory accounts for the common observation among audiophiles that when listening to a record being played back on a turntable that has a very heavy platter of about 70 pounds, such as the Walker or the Rockport Sirius (see Michael Fremers Stereophile review)that the music seems to be playing much to slow, when in fact the RPM speed is tested to be perfect. This phono-nomenon is explained by the fact that the extra heavy and massive rotating platter creates a warpage in the fabric of the space-time continuum in the local vacinity of the heavy rotating mass. Although the listener is also in this warped time, field he (or she) will hear the sound as being to slow BECAUSE the bones of the inner ear beingnon-metallic and being the smallest bones in the body ( and shielded by the skull ) are somewhat immune to this time warpage, thus ONLY a live listener can act as a detector of the effect of time slowing in the vacinity of large rotating bodies, even though the electroninc measuring instruments show that the turntable is at accurate speed.
I bought this home-study course on TV about 20 years ago, on how to expand my JOhnSon, and thought I was really getting ripped off of the $99.95 I paid (plus tax, shipping & handling). They were basing their money-back guaranteed results on the SAME theory!
Shoot.....we don't need no herbal growth potions. All we gotta do is WAIT!
Yes, I meant "cite" not "site" -- as in "citation". Ever since the advent of web "sites" I both occasionally get "cite" and "site" confused (homonyms are so stupid, but they do enable amusement) and find myself typing so quickly, and for such trivial reasons, that I make this, and many other mistakes of a similar careless kind often, and let them through.

Hand check: how many of you early posters here really did have tongue in cheek, and how many were serious? From the OP's reply to johnnantais, I imagine he indeed was kidding, in which case my hat's off. Certainly one of the more successful, drier satyrical jibes I've come accross on this sight. I however, serious, I stand by my prior.
I have had similar epiphanies during binge cleaning sessions on my Nitty Gritty. Watching all that spinning and listening to the groaning of the vacuum cleaner does indeed induce a sort of universal transcendence. Insights into the mysteries of black holes, exploding stars, curvature of space, and other cosmological phenomena have always been a part of the analog experience. Thank God my VPI came with a generous supply of Lithium for when these visions make it impossible for me to get my head out of my ass.

Don't wait to to long buy because MONEY is also inflating. Your $99.99 home study course would now cost $1,000, even though the authors had INFLATED EGOS.
Rnm4: Thank you for clairifying your word meaning.However,if both of you continually confuse "cite" and "site" these two entities may become offended and issue a citation or lawsuit for causing them mental confusion and calling them "stupid". If you could type fast enough and exceed the speed of light you can actually go back in time and make the necessary correction of your mispelling then you would not need to tell us about your typing skills and I would not need to making these comments. I am serious about the warpage of the time-space continuum caused by the large rotating mass of the Rockport Sirius as causing it to sound too slow.( I ment to type the wurd "too", in my earlier reply butt "to" came out insted cuz I wuz typing to kuikly.) Einstein has never been proven to be wrong (except for his hair style), or was he merely exanding on what he called the "Cosmuic Joke" when he wrote his Theory. Einstein's greatest statement was, "Something is moving". I would like for someone to invent a turntable where the record remains motionless and an overhead laser scans the grooves by optically rotating the laser beam. This way there is nothing moving and therefore no space or time distortions to deal with.
Ddarch44: The great physicist, Heisenberg (a contemporary of Einstein) claims that; If you had 1000 monkeys each sitting and typing random characters on typewriters then after a near infinite length of time one of these monkeys will type out all of Shakesperes plays with no typing errors. So,Ddarch44, you can rest assured that EVENTUALLY your rotating AR will become a superb Thorens. If it is not tossed in land fills its molecules could become recycled many, many , many times and EVENTUALLY after an near infinite time become a Thorens TD124 (albiet a reissue in the year 123,128,784.)
Mint604, It sounds like Heisenberg was reading Jorge Luis Borges. So perhaps his claim you refer to was actually an obtuse (and guilty?) reference to Niels Bohr (what DID they say to each other at that secret meeting?). Perhaps simply that they'd have to wait many years for Woody Allen's brilliant treatise on universal expansion in "Radio Days".
Ketchup <--- *Smacks Audiogon in the face*

If you want to censor posts, my goodness, do it to ones like these! Hello, where's the mod?! Clean this place up!

I'd rather read about an experiment that has shown that a brand "X" power cord didn't really make a difference than read about turntables that are innacurate due to the fact that they are expanding. Puh-lease!
I believe that Highfivesign’s subtle observation (BAM!) is accurate. Mr. Heisenberg’s Primates could never have turned out a single “comma” of Shakespeare, no matter how long they toiled. However, they would have been capable of typing volumes 3 through 10 of “Mein Kampf” (without typos) after two bananas and a coffee break.

Wonder if that chassis a few days ago, ruined by too many used electrons filing it up will get a new lease on life due to this expanding thing?

As the chassis grows there could be space for more particles, adding useful years of service to this once great product.

I'm aware this depends on how often it's used in relation to the time it takes for the chassis to expand. Since I listen frequently, I wouldn't gamble on it unless it sat in a closet for awhile and everything got caught up.
Ahem, sorry for bursting thy bubble, Mint604, but Einstein shan't be blame for the shameful expansion of thy Rockport TT.
There is no need to invoke universal warping. . . your Rockport $70,000 audio jewel is behaving like a 25 cents spinning glob of pizza doe in the hands of a master pizzaro.
The platter expands from the ravaging effect of classic centrifugal forces on all those metallic conductive atoms in the platter, that are by the way radiating harmful EMFs like mad during their mechanical translation in a Gaussian distribution curve typical of a blackbody. But this is not the end of the nasty doey story: in turn the platter, expanding pizza like is pressing on the sides of its expensive pizzabox. There is really no mechanical cure to the messy problem.
Experiments have been made to manufacture TT platters from exotic materials with very low expansion coefficients, such as Rock Maple Butcherblock, Ebony wood, pumice, basalt, djasper, fossilized Gynko Biloba wood, and even frozen liquid ceramics imbedded with Quantum Dots in a Fibonacci series distribution arrangement. To no avail. All TTs failed after a spell. A new promising line of R&D is now attempting to simulate a superstable TT as a 3D holographic projection. A team conducted by Dr. Aloysius Qwantz Schmaltzenstein Gavronsky of the Appenzell Stadt Museum and Dr. Paolo Sibani of the faculty of Physics at the University of Copenhagen are expected to complete a musically functional prototype in the next 10 months. Stay tuned.
The advantage of the holo-TT is of course that -- being pure illusion -- it has no real moving parts, and shall be hence expected to be immune from the ravaging effects of centrifugal force. If the expansion were found instead to be relativistic, the hologenerators can compensate, as relativistic expansion can be computed and countered algorythmically. I'd be delighted to point you to some upcoming preprints from these incisive investigators, with one of whom, I am proud to say, I did attend grades 6th and 7th, in a distant time and place.
You're all confusing me--I'm going to have to read Hawking's "Timely History of Briefs" again.

(oops--err, wrong coffee-table book.)
All things are relative, of course, some more than others. Like this thread. It is so last century and multidimensionally challenged. Understandibly most confuse centrifugal force with centripital acceleration. Ever heard of a gyroscope? Ever heard of 'M' or string theory? Think your turntable doesn't have a vertical vector? What do you suppose has a greater effect upon the relative mass or size of your turntable:1)a 12lb Siamese cat lordosing within 1.25 meters of the power supply; 2)a 747 cruising overhead at 42,000 feet; 3)the Moon; 4)Mars; 5)the expanding universe. Guess what? Distance counts for a lot. Keep the cat away unless she really likes your Claudine Longet colection. You could save this membrane for at least a little longer by resisting her ascendancy to the NRAs guntelligentsia. My Walthar PPK is locked and loaded but who could not utilize a Glock 9mm. 9mm is the VTA of my Triplanar VII. Sorry.
Khrys, cats count for more than anything else in the universe, regardless of mass, distance and relativistic state. Cats on a spinning TT are especially scared. Cats on a spinning lump of pizza doe are very unhappy. Unhappy or scared cats are very unmusical.
Guido, if you know your leptons then you know spinning cats are charmed; not scared or unhappy. Possibly still unmusical.
Mint604, first, I don't believe that the expanding universe theory has been proved, and there are still many scientists who subscribe to the "collapsing universe" theory, although I believe that they are now in the minority.

Second, it is the INTER-STELLAR SPACE OF THE UNIVERSE, NOT THE MATTER WITHIN, that is expanding. This has been confirmed by the "red light shift" [Doppler effect] of distant stars. Matter cannot be created nor destroyed, although it can be converted into energy [nuclear fission and fusion].

Third, the gravitational force exerted by the earth is like "a fart in a tornado" when compared to red dwarf stars, neutron stars, and the theoretical "black holes". These are astronomical bodies more likely to "bend" the space-time continuum.

Fourth, I think that maybe you have been "expanding" your mind a little too much, if you actually believe any of your misapplied logic. Great sci-fi reading, though!
Sorry Fatparrott, I deeply disagree. . . each time my better half feeds me with her special blend of stewed Lentils & Millett I experience rapid quantum inflation. I am absolutely positive virtual particle pairs are being created deep inside me in a sort of turbulent vortex of superheated plasma.
Correction of previous post

I meant to say "white dwarf" NOT red dwarf stars

Guidoc...keep eating your wife's recipe! Have you seen the price that natural gas is bringing these days :-)