How to flatten Vinyl Albums

Find a nice fat-bottomed girl and have her sit on them.....the soundstaging actually increases if you also feed her while she's sitting on them.

I prefer round bottom babes... All my records are a flat as can be because I have a VPI Superscoutmaster with the periferal ring and center weight. I can't tell you enough how positively it affects the tonearm's performance. The arm sits quietly in the groove doing its work..it looks motionless. The resulting sound is great stability and naturalness.

Well, thank you all for your responses

I think the Babes are out, I'm married, butt then again my wife has a cute little... never mind.

Sounds like a breeze if one lives in a desert

As for the truck - did it have off road tyres? - the big FAT ones?

Now...the VPI Superscoutmaster sounds very nice - at first I thought it was one of those multi bladed do it all knives

Thanks for the smiles - I'll look up the old thread

In the last 2 months I have been seeking out 180 gram albums at around $45-$55/album

I'd heard that not only were the "recordings" superior, but 180 gram albums were much better quality "finish" compared to the "flimsy" albums of the past.

From this statement, I seem to have mistakenly assumed that "quality" also included a reduced amount of pops and ticks and NO scratchy areas

Since my quest began I have found that the "finish" on about 50% of my purchases does not even come close to that of the past.

Most of the albums (save two) have quite discernable pops and ticks and scratchy areas across the whole album and only about five of the albums, out of nine, are actually FLAT!

Two albums had so many pops cracks and warps, I returned them, at which point I was told "the pops, cracks and warping were within acceptable limits"

Acceptable to whom?

With the exception of the new albums, the rest of my collection is at least 18 years old - that's when I got my first CD player, and most of them are better "finished" pressings.

What are the acceptable limits?
- if the edge of the album is off of the platter by more than 1.5mm?
- the the popping and cracking occurs every 1-2 seconds throughout the entire recording?

I clean each new album with a carbon fibre brush at least twice before the first playing to remove any imbeded crud (or so I thought).

On the two albums I returned, it would have taken a jack hammer to remove what sounded like small bolders

When buying vinyl in the past I probably had to return 10-12, in 14 years of purchases, that were not acceptable to me. But back then, the record stores simply gave you a new album or a refund without any objections.

It seems from conversations with two store owners, my expectation level is just too high, but then, if the quality of two of my new purchases can be so good - why can't the rest?

If this IS the new world of vinyl - I'm going back to CD!

Is anyone else finding & returning a high percentage of bad 180/200 gram vinyl?

Does the 180/200 gram vinyl require extensive cleaning with fluids and brushes?

Should we live with warps? (a couple of albums are like a satelite dish and only contact the platter close to the label)

agreed. Classic Records in particular seem to be negligent. Having said that, there is some benefit in deep cleaning even new record, regardless of the apparant shape it in.