As usual, Al's explanations are exceptional and I agree with everything he says in his post. I'm not sure if I'm getting this line in the OP's first post.
"If the rating is too high won't that mean lower distortion and hence less tube sound for a given volume for those speakers than a lower power tube amp (in general that is - I realize not all Watts are the same). So won't a high wattage tube amp have less of the special tube sound "tubies" like at their preferred listening volume?"
When I read that, it sounds to me like people with tube gear are choosing lower power amps so that they will distort. And the distortion is pleasing to the ear. That's not the case. People with tubes, just like people with SS, don't want their amps to distort. But if, and when, distortion does occur, there are those who feel that tubes sound "less bad" when they distort. I think that might be the missing piece you were looking for. But I think it would be a mistake to say people buy tube amps to make them distort. (Unless they play guitar. lol) Also, something else to consider is that tube amps and SS amps sound different from each other when they are not distorting. And both designs are liked and disliked, for the way they sound when operating under normal circumstances. That's why in my first post, I said why don't you listen to some tube gear. Its something you really need to hear for yourself to form an opinion. Its not easy to put this stuff into words.