If you are concerned about overdriving the main speakers, you should go with a fully active crossover/subwoofer system that actually cuts off the main speakers below the crossover point. With such a setup, the best sound will most likely be with the crossover set at a quite low frequency, as others have mentioned above. I almost always find that for music, a low crossover point sounds better.
I haven't listened to that many subwoofers, but, of those I heard, I liked the Martin Logan subwoofers that I heard coupled to quite small Totem monitors.
While the REL does not cut off the main speakers in the low frequency, I have been impressed with how easily REL subwoofers can be integrated into a system.