Sound and Music

The problem you are raising is the one which separated Plato from Aristotle.

Plato said the form can and must exist above and beyond the matter.

Aristotle said the two were permanently entangled.

This is a very old division which you are trying to solve by seeing it in one instantiation -- music vs. sound.

You might consider reading about form and matter.

Of course, you could also see this as a tension between soul and body.  You lament that music -- the soul -- is forced to become sound -- the body -- with all its limitations, defects, fallibilities. Pure music becomes sullied with sonic carnality. How terrible!

So, turn the tables! Revel in your body -- rejoice in flaws and carnality! Be dionysian and play the flute! Drink wine! YOLO, as the kids say.

Yes, live music, especially an orchestra, or big band can never be accurately depicted it the home.  A concert hall is not a living room.  It is true that smaller ensembles can come close.  
I also agree that records are especially troublesome, and it’s difficult to listen past vinyl problems. 
If one listens solely for sound, eventually that’s all one hears, and it can bring  you to a very dark place where the music disappears altogether.

In order to enjoy a record or CD (streaming,) one has to ignore the anomalies of sound which are inevitably there and listen to the music.  
Too many of us listen for the anamolies.

Some would consider this a cop out, but I find that a mild cannabis high does wonders for filling in the blanks. I consider cannabis to be a sort of sonic filter that nearly always agrees with me and is a part of my "system." Lots of musicians would agree.

I have 2 midfi surround systems and then my two channel system with the good gear.  I can be enjoying listening to the mid fi but always feel that sense of relief when I shift to the main listening room