when i get a notion to respond to the OP's slightly unusual goals or the entusiastic brand fans you chime in and I chuckle in agreement.
I so empathize in dealing with the shear stoutly centerd weight of most subwoofers and ones ever diminishing abilities. My subs and Bass amps/cabinets are on wheels. I don't leave the house with anything bigger than my tom drum sized upshot 10" cabinet and cigar box sized switching amp.
I'm enjoying a notcable differnce in the presentation of my two main system subs which are now on DYI foam topped platforms with large soft foam casters. A stunning reduction of low frequency energy migrating through our homes structure and slightly better definition at the listening position.
Anyway, ask for help and bend those knees.
This reminds me of a Kamala Harris speech.