overwhelmed by record rituals

I'd also suggest that you're using the stylus cleaner too frequently. If dust accumulates on the tip, just use a little dry brush to get it off.

If you over clean your stylus with fluid, in time, the fluid will travel up the cantilever and start to eat away at the suspension of your cartridge and then you'll need a new one.

I made the same mistake a few years back.

I clean my stylus with fluid maybe once or twice a month and only after I'm done listening for the night.

A used VPI 16.5 would be a great investment. I use the "One Step Forumla No. 6" cleaning fluid with mine and have very good results. My favorite fluid to date and I've tried three or four.

If you get an anti-stat gun, two or three pulls and releases of the trigger at various points over the record surface will suffice. I wouldn't point it at the cartridge.

Get a KL Audio machine makes it simple.

A Spin Clean is inexpensive and works…all my old LPs got the cleaning and I clean any new ones…once…they aren't getting dirty. An anti static carbon felt mat, anti static LP sleeves (Mobile Fidelity), and a good anti static carbon brush every time I play a side…if I still have a static issue I don't hear it. I use Last on the stylus with its little scrubbing thing once every few LPs, and all of this works swimmingly.

Ask three audiophiles about record cleaning and you'll get 17 different
responses. Here's my take:
The surface brushes push surface dust around, don't remove it and have the
potential to add a static charge despite claims to the contrary. I usually don't
bother with them, although I have several.
I would be careful applying any liquid to your stylus; you should buy a cheap
jeweler's loupe (Amazon) which should give you enough magnification to see
if there is any build-up on your stylus. Dry brushing should normally be
enough, or use the Doug Deacon Magic Eraser method (with caution).
Wet Record Cleaning-I don't think all machines clean equally, but do believe
an RCM is essential. The VPI is fine (mine, which started life as a 16, still
works). Much is in the method. You'll read about various fluids, applicators,
how long to 'dry', etc. if you do some digging. Basic good practices involve
keeping everything that touches the record clean, including the vacuum lips.
Dry does not necessarily mean clean- the objective is to get the fluid to
loosen the contaminants, and then have the vacuum remove the 'slurry' of
fluid in which the contaminants are suspended. Sometimes, with used
records, this may involve multiple cleanings. I use a pure water rinse to
remove the residue of the fluid/contaminants (and therefore, with a VPI, use a
second vacuum pillar/wand- not a huge investment).
I think the Zerostat gun is overkill- try to get to the root of the static problem
rather than charging the record to compensate for it- issues include
handling, carpeted floors and inner sleeves. After cleaning, each record goes
into a high quality aftermarket sleeve.
As at least one other poster mentioned, you could and should explore older
vinyl pressings- the "audiophile" reissues are not always the best
sounding copies, and often sound worse than a standard issue copy made
back in the day. But older records really force you to double down on
cleaning methods because I've found that records I believed were trashed
were in fact just badly contaminated, including by previous 'cleanings' where
the fluids dried and added noise.
I'm machine and fluid agnostic and use multiple machines and methods. I
don't think there is one approach to solve all the problems associated with
record cleaning or surface noise, but once you get hands on and experiment
for a while you will find that some records clean up easily and others require
more work and different methods. Good luck and welcome to LPs.

MC---Al and Griffith gave you a lot of great info and advice, all of which I agree with. Here's some more!

Both the Nitty Gritty and VPI cleaners are good, and each has an advantage over the other. As Al said, with the NG the LP doesn't sit on a mat when it's being cleaned, so doesn't pick up dust (or whatever) from said mat. With the VPI, the LP sits on a felt mat as one side is cleaned, so when you flip the LP over to clean the second side, the just-cleaned side now lays on the felt. If there is any dust on the mat it can get on that just-clean side. I solved that problem by having a spare mat, which I put on the platter after I clean side one of an LP. That mat is reserved for already cleaned sides exclusively, so I wrote "cleaned" on it's bottom in felt pen. The platter of the VPI is what gives it it's one advantage over the NG---a work surface on which to lay a used LP to scrub it with a hand-held brush, before vacuum cleaning it. And I have a third mat just for used LP's, so as not to contaminate my new ones. And it's labeled "dirty", of course. Okay, maybe a little OCD, but I see you're okay with that!

Some of the LP cleaning fluid companies make a product specifically for removing the stamper goo from new LP's. You use it only once, before any other cleaning.

Regarding Last Record Preservative: I completely understand others' apprehension about putting anything on their precious LP's. I'm confident Last does no harm (quite the opposite, in fact), but it's always a good idea to exercise caution. Actually, it's value increases with heavily played LP's, so if you have records you're going to play infrequently, skip them. I know Walter Davies, the Last company owner/designer (he had a Hi-Fi store in Livermore, CA---I bought my first good system from him in '72), and the research he did on the preservative before bringing it to market. As for the increased noise after applying it to uncleaned records, what happens is the preservative bonds molecularly to the vinyl, pushing the dirt on the surface of the walls of the groove out of the way to do so, where the stylus of the turntable "hears" it. So yes, clean the LP after applying Last.

The anti-static gun I use is the Milty Zerostat, and my procedure is exactly as Al's, including not releasing the trigger in the direction of the LP the third and final time. What's that expression about great minds?!

One of the carbon fiber brush makers offers a version with a grounding wire, to drain static from LP's. That option is available for you.

New inner sleeves in a real good idea, as long as you get the Mobile Fidelity type. There are others that transfer "plasticizer" contained in their composition onto LP's put in them, as I found out years ago. Hopefully that type is no longer even being made.

Al's mention of the circuit of your phono amp affecting the amount and degree of LP surface noise is fact. The quality of your tonearm also affects the perceived noise level. The more non-resonant your arm is, the less it will "ring" when fed the sharp impulses from your phono cartridge playing groove defects.

I know this sounds like a lot of stuff, but once it becomes a routine it's no big deal. I'm not sure I would want to get into LP's now if I was young, but when you have four or five thousand of them (or more. My friend Brooks Berdan had, I don't know---at least 20,000, maybe thirty. He converted his dining room into his record room!), having kept a collection already amassed when everyone else "went digital", as some of use have, and having not gotten CD versions of many of those LP's, if I want to hear the music contained in their grooves, I have to do this stuff. I actually enjoy the ritual---most of the time!