Cheers everyone.
Everyone knows I'm going to still give the delays another go - even just to better understand I don't like it.
From my engineer:
"The method I used for setting up the three subs wasn’t with all subs at the same loudness (in my opinion it isn't correct due to different distances from the listener and other factors...). I used a method, which slightly varies the dB levels between each sub to achieve a smoother in-room response. This approach focuses on reducing peaks and nulls caused by room modes while maintaining overall balance."
The original subs I chose were lesser Rel subs. I gave instructions to where I bought them is I cannot have the deepest bass due to neighbours. I am already aware that they can hear what is happening. I want to have some hope of being able to play music.
It is Rel that paired their choice with the speakers. The S/510s are needed to keep up with the 805s. They insisted that TX7s or whatever I chose weren't good enough.
I installed just over 3 inches of acoustic treatment along the party wall in the hallway, lounge and kitchen - 4 layers, including 3 layers in "acoustic-board" specifically designed to reduce vibration. With the double brick, I estimate (and because I can no longer hear the neighbours) I might have achieved close to Rw + Ctr of 60 dB. But that won't stop low frequencies - nothing can completely stop them unless we go with "in space, no-one hears your subs."
The room is separated from the hallway by a brick wall with plaster on each side. The front window got a double glazing upgrade using a material that isn't glass and with a large distance between them. Then theatre blacks - 95% wool curtains. This is the front wall.
Acoustic treatment (above ~200Hz) around all walls which surprised me how much it quietened noise from outside.
With the acoustic door - that room is sealed tight. Acoustically and thermally.
Even with all this - I can't have subs that properly do 20 Hz.