Every now and then when my friends have nothing better to do, they'll acquiesce to my standing invite to come over to listen to some tunes on the main system downstairs. Over the years I've learned to choose my invites wisely, based on whether or not the invitee seems to evince any leaning towards or sympathy for audiophilia.
A few times I've been incredibly lucky and chanced upon a friend who doubles as an audiophile and we while away a happy evening and night spinning cd's and lp's and talking about the tracks and artists - and the drinks we have. We do talk, but between tracks or artists, not during. But a few times I've had people over, usually as part of a small group, who insist on talking over the track, much in the same way I constantly annoy my wife by talking during a movie.
The other weekend I invited over a couple, the husband with whom I play in a band; the wife whom I've never met. And while my wife and I and they nursed drinks and listened to tunes, his wife insisted on talking about whatever, bringing up pictures on her phone, and evincing every sign that she had never seriously considered the idea of a listening session to be something worthwhile.
Okay, I get it. It's not for everyone; analogous to if a friend who was into home theater had just gotten a new, hi-end projector had invited me over to watch a movie. Yes, I would have appreciated the clarity, etc. But it's still just a movie, no matter how much resolution there may be on a screen (actually, if there were indeed such a friend, I'd try to get into the video aspect as much as I'd like her or him to enjoy the audio, if only out of respect).
But it's also happened before, like with another (former) band member, another guitarist, who kept talking through the tracks while the rest of us tried (or pretended to try - I can only speak for myself) to listen.
So what's proper etiquette? Do I play the good host and let come what may? Do I lay down ground rules? I know that most people don't actively listen to music, nor appreciate the nuances of a good system, and usually don't care too much, either -- gearheads are gearheads, no matter the passion, and are appreciated only by other gearheads. Just as I remember, in retrospect, a few audiophiles when I was younger who obviously had good systems, but back then I neither knew nor cared about stuff like that, and so was much the same kind of person I'm complaining about now.
But how would you address that kind of behavior or reaction during a listening session?
If you are an "audiophile", why would you have someone over for a listening session who is not an "audiophile?
I notice no one has approached this from the other point of view, meaning how do you conduct your behavior when you get invited to an "extreme" audiophile's listening room? If you don't know this, you wont get invited back.
The time for talk is before the listening session, and naturally it will most likely be about his "exquisite" system and genre of music to begin with; there are usually several different genres that will be reviewed.
Once the listening session begins, let your host do most of the talking; if you don't follow this rule and talk too much, you will not be invited back again.
Although it is nice to introduce friends to the love of music the way we hear it in our systems. Most people just don't truly appreciate or feel music. I can not see expecting a group of people to sit in a room quiet and only listen and not talk. Most of the time when I have audio friends over we talk more than we listen. People really need to sit alone in the sweet spot for a period of time to really even start to understand what we hear or feel when listening.
I have a separate area in our finished basement ,it's out of the way and works out well kids are older 23 & up - no interest in dads music ! My wife has joined me for 10- 15minutes tops . Usually just me & Dixie ( my dog ). She's a very good listener & not very chatty . When I have some "audiophile " friends over it tends to get too analytical for my liking. They seem to have a need to criticize some aspect ... Synergy between amp & preamp, or are the speakers in "phase" ?? , the Grado cartridge is ok why don't you get "xyz" cartidge. Etc.... Guess what ? Yup ... Just me and Dixie ! Oh Sometimes we let Leo hang out he's a pretty cool cat.(feline)
The title of this post says it all. Normal people don’t refer to listening to music (or, more accurately, merely hearing it) as a "session", a distinct, dedicated endeavor. Music is just "on" while other, more important, things are done. Like talking about the Kardashians.
I agree with smittys.....that is pretty much the way it is, with the added factor of time. It may be that the invite is an audio hobby enthusiast, but, at that particular time, does not feel like listening critically. Imposing rules may drive him away. Maybe he just feels like, the time of sharing, venting, whatever, is more important, or appropriate.
I am fortunate to have friends who are also audiophiles and we regularly visit each others premises for listening sessions ie jamming. Wifes and girlfriends are always welcome but are not usually receptive to extended sessions. It is understood there will always be an area set aside for conversation and you may come and go as you wish. The music continues regardless. We compare our systems and discuss likes/dislikes, recommend tweaks etc. Kicking back with eye closed and really listening is a fantastic experience for us all and all of our various systems are really awesome but also fine tuned to our specific tastes. There is nothing like us jamming out with eyes closed and to realize that each one of us is "feeling" it when you happen to open your eyes and see the others with eyes closed, hands playing air guitar or whatever, feet tapping, expressions changing and really getting into the music. Thats when we really bond.
I agree with majority of the posts here. 99% of the people I know don't get it.
Majority of my listening time is alone as well. My wife "gets it" and enjoys listening once a week or so. When we have people over, we rarely go into the audio room and if we do its just for viewing the room and setup. Although we have had the occasional person who appreciates the brief demo experience a great deal. :o)
I'm pretty new to this audiophile "listening session" stuff and am trying to get other folks to come listen to my various audio systems about my home.
At work, there's at least four of us who are heavy into it. I've had two of the three guys to my home to listen to my systems and the third guy heard my Fisher 400 when I brought it to work.
So far, when I turn my Dynaco Mark iiis up a bit, their eyes glow as if in a trance. My Kenwood L09s and baby Kenwood L07s have quite an affect on the listener as well.
But etiquette, good topic imo.
I wouldn't be above telling them to stfu and stfd or gtfo, but hey, that's just me.
I gave up trying to "share" the listening experience wih anyone but myself. There was a time long ago when I could have visitors sit back and listen without talking or criticizing but that was probably because we were all too wasted to say anything. Now I find the listening experience to be one of the most personal things to cherish. I even wait 'til the wife goes out and takes the dog with her so the time is all mine with no interruptions. I have found that it is impossible to convey that feeling and even trying to explain it to someone else is futile. It's like riding Harleys - if I have to explain, you wouldn't understand.
I'm with asp307 on this one. Out of all my friends and acquaintances over the years, I've had exactly one who was also a serious audio enthusiast. So if I have people over I assume they are non- or casual listeners and it doesn't matter if they talk. I can always listen to the music alone uninterrupted whenever I want. And even if you're with an audio enthusiast I think you're there to share the experience, and if that includes comments during tracks about whatever topic at hand, so be it. If the song's to their liking, they will shut up and listen. A sure fire way to chase off myself or others with boredom would be to set a bunch of unsociable rules.
cleeds 252 posts 06-07-2016 3:29pm czarivey"wow the removed posts will soon reach posted haha!"
"This is an audio forum. Because this is the Internet, I'm sure there are places to go when you want to talk about sex. But this forum isn't the place. I think that's why the posts were deleted."
czarivey"wow the removed posts will soon reach posted haha!"
This is an audio forum. Because this is the Internet, I'm sure there are places to go when you want to talk about sex. But this forum isn't the place. I think that's why the posts were deleted.
critical listening alone and sometimes with my wife. if we have people over especially someone your meeting for the first time I would just not expect them to listen like you. on the other hand you and your male friend could get a session in while the wives are in another room.
It's OK to listen alone or when you're alone, what else to do? It really sucks, foolish and naive to get upset when someone else you're listening with does not want to follow your instructions or simply can't.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I got the distinct impression from Czarivey his girlfriend is in drag while she listens to music. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
It's already been mentioned by jmc & bdp - it's fundamentally a solitary experience. And as also previously mentioned your system is tuned to your ears.
@simao to answer your question, I would assess the situation. If the dynamic changes because significant others are coming then go with the flow. I like what some of the others on here have said with regards to catering to your guests and being a good host.
PS Another idea. You need to play music that your guest likes. I've found with my children that the starting place is their music (even if I don't like it), but I have to have a way to get uncompressed files of their music (or the session is useless). Yeah, I know, simple stuff, but I've been guilty of trying to show folks stuff with music they don't know and/or may not like. First you make a connection, then you determine their ears, lastly you can take them on a journey (OK that's for new folks - my Bro and I can just LISTEN).
I have expienced this many times its no different when your a musician and want to jam . I do have a ht room if i have company i keep it dark and loud lol .. Im fortunate enough to have a dedicated 2:1 setup in a separate room . My wife knows when im in there its my batcave I rarely fire up the tubes with company unless there is another music nut , we close the door and spin music .. Generally pretty healthy volume shakes off the uninterested
jmc, I love you! I was slightly exaggerating to make my point; I will of course have another person in my music room to play something for---a person I know, or even think, will appreciate the greatness of. Usually another musician, or at least musically appreciative sort. I remember playing "Oh Marcella", a Brian Wilson song on The Beach Boys Carl & The Passions album, for a great songwriter I knew (R.I.P.). The chords and melody are so majestic, I just had to make sure he heard it. And the superior sound provided by a high end system is just the way to make great music more effortlessly appreciated, a means to an end. That’s why I don’t like to think of Hi-Fi as a "hobby". That’s like calling breathing a hobby. Wait, where are you going? ;-). No music, no life.
There are no written rules when it comes to etiquette during a listening session but they are implied and common sense does apply here. If you invite non audiophiles over, find out what kind of music they enjoy and mix it up with yours, expect to keep the volume low enough to converse. Example Caroline (non-audiophile) was kind enough to listen quietly to a the whole cd before making any comment because she knew I was seeking an opinion. Her response was, your system sounds good but I don't know what to listen for, I rest my case. However when I went to Dwayne's house to hear his new speakers, my wife and I didn't say a word until he was done demonstrating them then I gave my opinion. No I don't think that audiophiles are wacked but they are passionate about their hobby and everyone knows that people that have no interest in any hobbies are boring people. By the way, listening alone is not a bad thing because who would know better what sound you seek then yourself but sometimes getting others opinions can be fun especially if they are audiophiles.
I think you have to gauge the situation and the people. Don't forget that there are lots of folks who simply can't hear what you hear and so they can't be immersed in listening. Even if you sat them down, told them to be quiet and listen they won't get it because they simply can't! My taste buds aren't that great, my nose isn't either (chicken or egg - I know) so someone can talk about the undertones of this flavor or not and I say, "Pass the salt."
I've had folks over and pretty soon realize they want something else other than a "listening session" and/or can't experience what I do. It's then I remember that my Mom used to say, "Company is always right."
It doesn't take long to figure out where they are. I've had some other folks over (particularly young folks - college age) and they were like, "Wow! I can't believe this!" When you get that reaction you know they have ears and are ready to listen and you can point out stuff to listen to or you can just listen.
Throughout the years I've found that the only ones that truly enjoy a listening session and know how it works are people that have the same interests. These people are usually audiophiles, like those that read these forms. Other friends and/or their spouses are into other interests and view music and stereo equipment differently.
As mentioned I find most people too impatient to sit and listen to music. It's a lost skill to just listen. I mostly listen by myself and on occasion my wife will poke into my listening room for a song or two. I don't mind the solitary listening, but I think a lot of people don't value the art of music and are missing out on one of the great joys of life. They have become occupied with social media and their phones.
It is like a drug, one that induces euphoria for those susceptible to its effects, but few are. I find a friend or three who enjoy listening and they're fun to listen with....but most people don't get it.
You are right don_c55, nobody gets it! My mom who always loved music and still does was over with step dad. She did nothing but yap and was in and out of the room after they initiated the listening. My step dad OTOH was mesmerized! Go figure. In a nutshell my rig is an effing time machine, a portal to another world, no drug could ever touch it, and if no one gets it I feel sorry for them cuz they're missing out!!
I am not a big socialite, but I do have gatherings and friends over from time to time. Though most of them are aware of my 'audio addiction' problem, as it is visible, I've never fired up the rig when company is over. Mostly because when people are over it's about catching up on each others lives, not my personal obsession. The other reason would be that my wife would insist on the level being so low that turning the system on would be pointless. She likes to be able to talk comfortably and easily, which means that guests voices have to be easily heard over the music.
Who's going to notice the quality of the music in a noisy environment with the audio level around 55-60 dB? What's the point? Save the tube hours for my greedy self.
It's only when I'm alone that I can close my eyes and melt into the music, and my system becomes all worthwhile, as the rest of the world disappears.
Today I only play my system for certain audiophile friends, that have similar musical tastes to me. Sometime these rare listening sessions go on for hours!
I tell non audiophiles my system is only for concert type listening, simulating a dimly lit club atmosphere, for two listeners only. I do not play audio, for more than one guest. A few will listen, but I have almost never converted anyone into buying into the hobby. I have tried over the years but I have given up.
Most everyone thinks audiophiles are wackos, and to a large extent, that is true!
For everyone else, I have a home theater set up, with high end grade audio, that also plays music.
99% of my serious playback time is for me.
Almost nobody "gets" serious audio Today! Many did (including women) during the 60’s and 70’s (before the CD), but that period has passed.
The exclusion of women is now considered civilized?
To the OP, if your guests are acting within reason, then the proper thing for the host is to make them feel comfortable, even when you are not. For instance, if the use the wrong fork, then you use the wrong fork. You may never invite them back, but you don't try to chide or humiliate them.
I find it sad that people cannot remain quite for more than a few minutes. Even plays/concerts are interrupted by cell phones to the chagrin of the performers. Europeans tend to be more sympathetic- I remember, years ago, a live recording of the Mahler 6th by Horenstein in Stockholm, not even one cough or sneeze was to be heard. I doubt an audience could do the same at Lincoln Center.
As far as etiquette goes, if they behave badly, just accept the interruption with dignity, then don't invite them over again.
I don’t want anyone listening with me, intently or otherwise. Is that sad? I want to become one with the music, it totally inhabiting my soul. If there is anyone else in the room (which has only a single chair anyway---for me), that’s not gonna happen. It’s kinda like that scene in the great Coen Brothers movie The Man Who Wasn’t There, where Billy Bob Thornton’s character’s attorney is talking about the theory that the act of observing something changes the nature of that thing. Listening, I mean REALLY listening, requires undistracted, focused attention; if I’m not alone, I’m distracted, just by the presence of someone else. And it trivializes the experience. Oh, it’s selfish. To me, listening to music is no different than reading a book (except that music is a much deeper experience, of course); I need complete silence to be able to read---no distractions. I sometimes put in my molded ear plugs to block out the world.
That’s the "solo" system---the video system is for guests.
I think this goes to the nature of the listening session. If people are gathered around to share conversation then music should be for the background. If on the other hand, the intent is to listen to music then I don't want anyone talking while the music is playing. If they can't sit and listen then they can go join others for conversation elsewhere. My thought is, why should those that really want to listen have to accommodate some one who doesn't? Isn't the person talking just as rude to the listeners as the listeners appear to someone that wants the talker to be quiet?
Vernacular (c. mid- '90's urban slang) contraction of "What's up?" Denoting a greeting among peers, indicating the speaker's upbringing, level of outdated pop-culture references, and comfort in addressing an online forum in an attempt to seem culturally relevant, even while extolling the beauty of vinyl and cd playback.
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