What is an Audiophile? Here's the list for newbies.

An audiophile would spend a full day listen to just 1 track over and over

An audiophile would skip family dinner to stay with his audio system (if he had a choice)

An audiophile would stare in a space between the front speakers for hours

An audiophile will constantly find way to improve his system. (Once he found it, he became a music lover)

An audiophile would prefer a stereo 2-ch as his main system

An audiophile would not use a passive or active equalizer

An audiophile would drive a shitty car that’s worth less than his speaker cables

An audiophile may had tried an interconnect cable’s that cost more than his cdp

An audiophile would avoid using an additional active powered subwoofer

An audiophile will have a collection of CDs or records of instrumental music and classical, jazz, vocals more than today's hip hop, country, gospel, new age, disco.

An audiophile will not engage to his co-worker's newly purchased home theater set up

An audiophile will not own 1 complete brand new system purchased from the store in his life time

An audiophile in America will have an AudioGon account

So, are you an audiophile?

*** This is just for fun so have fun and thank you for reading.
An audiophile is a closet Stereophile & TAS reader.

An audiophile is always passing judgment on the speakers at the local bar or restaurant.

An audiophile tells the spouse "it was a good deal" even though the cost was more than her ring.

An audiophile throws up just a little bit whenever he reads the acronym, "AVR."

An audiophile Googles "audio/ hi-fi store" whenever in a new city.

An audiophile will leave work early just to warm up the tube amp.

An audiophile swears his ears haven’t aged as much as the rest of him.

An audiophile hates the word "audiophile."

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An Audiophile gets upset when a guest comes to their house and doesn't comment at all on their stereo system

        An audiophile can not be played using iTunes.

to raise the blood pressure of an Audiophile mention Bose.

An Audiophile believes everything in his or her house is there on audition/approval,including pets, and spouses.

an Audiophile always believes the grass will be greener with the next component.

An Audiophile has both a dedicated listening room and a delivery ramp for the house.

an Audiophile knows all of his FED EX & UPS drivers family names and birthdays.

a true audiophile will arrange his or her honeymoon or vacation at the same hotel of an Audio Expo.

an audiophile music library will never be big enough.

An audiophile gets a second mortgage for speakers, and not for a pool and deck.

an audiophile buys stuff they can't afford, with money they ain't got, to impress people they haven't even met yet.

an audiophile will buy the best of everything they can, before they ever address acoustic treatments for the listening room.

an audiophile ignores the insane prices of their electronics to help preserve their own sanity.

audiophiles never argue about the efficacy or science of wires, they simply know somehow they do matter.

audiophiles post threads asking for feedback all the while they already know what they will do.

Audiophiles refuse to get off the treadmill even after arriving at audio nirvana.
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An Audiophile gets mad at their kids and kitchen appliances for being too loud even when casual listening
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lmbo...man, people sure do like categorizing today. I refuse to change with the times. My idea of an audiophile is old school, not money, that’s for those that have trophy wives. We all know how that one goes, show it off enough someone else ends up getting some of it...*chuckles
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elizabeth ...I beg to differ with ya, insta audiophiles, never heard that one? *chuckles
That’s kind of like what they say in Hollywood: Anybody can be an actor.
A true audiophile is prepared to change his mind at the drop of his latest audio magazine.

A true audiophile sees non-audiophiles (inc family) the same way as they see accessories, but not necessarily the most important ones.

A true audiophile is 10% believer and a 90% paranoiac.

A true audiophile's playable music collection shrinks with time.

A true audiophile knows the importance of maintenance. Every plug, fuse, CD, record must be cleaned scrupulously. Cables must be checked and double checked for directionality, tracking weight adjusted for correctness, bias too.

True audiophiles love the immersive properties of vinyl. That's before they play a single record.

And how do I know? I've been there.
I was a true audiophile, of course. But unfortunately time wore me down. 

Now all I have left is the music.
lmbo...how about we just all agree it’s the love of music and doing our best to enhance what we’re listening to. It might be something as simple as tweaking speaker placement to winning the lottery and replacing it all.

Heck, maybe I get a couple of pool girls to go with that...*grinz
You don’t buy the membership.

You belong by your knowledge, listening skills and aspirations. Oh yeah.....and inability to grasp the idea that something could sound "different" and not "better" or "worse".
Oh my god! I just continued to laugh aloud alone (my laugh was an average of around between 80 - 90 dB, because I measured it) after reading through those posts! I actually had to use the cue up on my turntable as not to ruin my listening session while reading and laughing. I also cleaned my stylus as long as it was up. 

I ordered a pair of Tekton Pendragons 2 days ago, and spoke to Eric Alexander at great length, which was the highlight of my week so far. 

I cleaned all the contact points of my interconnects and speaker cables the minute after ordering my new speakers. I will probably do it once again when arrive on the 17th of this month via FedEx. I have been counting the hours (not days) until they’ll be here. 176 lbs for the pair. I love it!

Hell, no! I am not an audiophile! 

It seems I am NOT an audiophile.
I have been purchasing vinyl for 55 years this year.
My cartridge, phono stage, amp and speakers are worth twice as much as our cars ( I have 2 vehicles). 
My records are probably worth twice that. But that is irrelevant as they are not for sale.
But as to the list/definition, no just love my music, thats all.
I shook my head sideways at every Julian Hirsch 'review' in Stereo Review and still read the whole thing front to back at the library and had a home subscription.
Are you an Audiopholic? 

-Would secretly rather lose a spouse than of your stereo gear.

-Will reread a HiFi+ review twice before viewing any porn.

-Upon meeting a person for the first time the primary goal is:
 Who has the superior unit?

-When visiting a home for the first time, you wave to the hostess
 as you bee line for the stereo.

-You secretly believe women find you more attractive since they
 speak audio fool so fluently.

If you answered yes to any of the above questions,
you do in fact have a problem. Or is it "just a hobby" ?

An audiophile may had tried an interconnect cable’s that cost more than his cdp
 An audiophile is in dire need of a copy editor.
Funny stuff here, and scary as its most probably true - then I think to myself, AM I THAT FAR GONE!!
But reviews are our lifeblood, we love to read them over (thank you TAS et al). We complain at the crazy prices but wish that we could afford it.
A requirement is a belief in Flat Earth Science - FES! Now where did I put those Mpingo discs?
Mpingo discs are a bad example of whatever you’re trying to say. Their principle of operation is straightforward and can be understood by a 10 year old. 
An Audiophile is a productive way of being an escapist and personal isolationist. 
And you know you’re an audiophile when an ‘audio buddy’ becomes the US rep/distributor for a hot brand. Or when manufacturers email you to ask if they will be seeing you at the show. Or if you email the same friend multiple long paragraphs, multiple times a week explaining every move you make within your system...and they reciprocate. 
An audiophile will listen to music on their main system that they would not listen to in their cars. Or is it just me - lol?
Probably I spend more on the stereo and library than on beer.  that's a sign me. Just need as full set of 10k interconects, if any of ya'll could help a monetarily challenged casual listener to make it there I'd forever be indebted to you. Used is fine.
In a nutshell:

audiophile noun au·​dio·​phile | ˈȯ-dē-ō-ˌfī(-ə)l Definition of audiophile

: a person who is enthusiastic about high-fidelity sound reproduction
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An audiophile truly loves the emotional experience that great music can provide but secretly loves the equipment even more.
I would just like to say, for the record, I am not an audiophile.  I am a pot stirrer.

Thank you.

Hey, can I play with the big kids if I’m just a music-ophile?

I spend more on music than equipment.  Am I out of the club?
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My own personal yardstick is simply how many different versions of Kind of Blue does he own. Another yardstick is does he listen to only the intro to Thus Spake Zarathustra or does he listen to the entire thing.
Yes multiple copies of A Kind of Blue (I'm on my third - twice CD and once vinyl) and that other perennial, Dark Side of the Moon (only on my second CD).

I also suspect my Beatles collection is far from finished too. At least 3 different copies of Abbey Road.. and counting.
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Someone who has Issue Number 1 of TAS! Alas, I lost my copy when I moved south to Florida! That copy I acquired from the collection of the original owner (my deceased friend Harry B.).
An audiophile is someone who, when they are not listening to music through their system, is thinking about listening to music through their system.
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When you know more than two people who, when they pass, will improve your system with their gear.