RE: the question: ":Why do forum interactions become contentious". . .
I've just had a very unexpected and very unpleasant PM from a forum participant.
He'd been suggesting I buy a certain component and I told him politely that I didn't visualize that particular purchase fitting in with my long-range plans.
His response was to accuse me of wasting everyone's time and to call me an "effing idiot" (except he spelled "effing" correctly).
The great majority of interactions I've had here have been very enjoyable and recent input from more experienced forum members has helped greatly in clarifying my plan for the next upgrade cycle.
The thread on lesser-know Jazz has been great-- lots of participation and lots of terrific suggestions.
MD has ruled out any serious causes for my symptoms so I'll be participating again, but with considerably more caution when it comes to PM'ing others. Thanks for all the positive messages!
Mahgister, I generally support what youre saying and I am, of course, all for, each of us, controlling our angry impulses. That which I criticized, in my post, is the popular, commercial and ineffective “technique,” of “Anger Management.”
I apologize if i read you in the wrong way... It seems it is the case...
Sometimes we go swiftly to make a point clear...It is one of my numerous defect to be too reactive...
I offer you my sincere excuse and deepest respect....
Mahgister, I generally support what youre saying and I am, of course, all for, each of us, controlling our angry impulses. That which I criticized, in my post, is the popular, commercial and ineffective “technique,” of “Anger Management.”
Somebody mentioned “anger management.” What is that?
There a many circonstances in life, most of them, when we must control anger...( i dont spoke here about the sudden anger of a father defending his daughter for example nor of a person angered by everything there is)
We cannot suppress anger but we can enlightened the source of our anger and orientate our anger in a creative way instead of a desctructive way...I will call it "anger creative reorientation"...
We forget the object of our anger for a moment to focus in ourself and on the way we will manage the enormous energy surge at our disposition to create something meaningful from what is meaningless and has angered ourself to begin with......It is this or autodesctruction most of the times... ( anger said the mother of my mother damage the liver) 😁😊
Only my opinion but i am not a psychologist....
But sometimes in life we are vulnerable, not already in great shape, and when some idiot create without reason an attack on us, we are not ALWAYS able to transform our justified anger in a creative way other than retreating in our own home.....It is the reason why i understand perfectly the feeling of the OP and his reaction...I offer my prayer for his health....
Personally, I believe that the moderators and sponsors of this site intentionally, if passively, promote no-holds-barred discussion to differentiate this forum from others.
Somebody mentioned “anger management.” What is that? In my 30+ years practicing psychiatry, I never could identify that technique and I never encountered any truly competent clinicians claiming to practice “anger management.” I found that the term was very popular with judges and others in the legal profession, who made referrals for “anger management,” but the results of such activities seemed to yield little more that court sanctioned income for the therapists. Anger is either normal, depending on circumstances and history, or a symptom of something. It is not a disease or defect to be eradicated or “managed.”
Personally, I believe that the moderators and sponsors of this site intentionally, if passively, promote no-holds-barred discussion to differentiate this forum from others.
1). A person who feels the need to waste their time PM'ing their anger has no life.
2). Getting upset at the inane rantings of a total stranger shows that you care too much what inconsequential people say and are letting them control you.
Just hit the Delete button and ignore them. They are not worth one second of your time or thoughts, and should never affect your actions.
I won’t participate in „cable discussions“ any more. Waste of time and energy! Some opinionated „technicians“ without any listening experience with great audio systems seem to only wait until another „cable topic“ comes up to give their worthless 2cents… I made my own experiences over a long period of time and don’t need no second or third tier self absorbed „wanna be technician“ to tell me that I‘m „all wrong“ because he got told so (who believes this?!?!) in his car mechanics apprenticeship 40 years ago …LOL
Sadly because social media has given access, a "voice" and a platform/forum to anyone and everyone. Due to the safety and relative anonymity of sitting at a keyboard rather than engaging in person people who would otherwise never be aggressive or in your face feel empowered to bully, "shout" and impose their opinions on others, often aggressively. Factor in the era of "selfies", constant bragging and boasting, one upmanship, being able to continually show off and come across as experts on every possible topic large or small, real or imagined and here's where we end up. Am I cynical ? Yeah, but I totally believe it's true.
This forum often reminds me of the behaviour of our parliamentary representatives in question time. It’s very embarrassing when there is a dignitary observing from the visitors seats above.
People observing the TV telecast must wonder who actually runs our country!
Just because you disagree on their recommendations it’s not a waste of time on their part.My audio buddy they won’t talked to me for weeks because I opposed their audio recommendations? It’s really funny and it does not bother me at all.
I did finally, just recently. The recently closed thread "crazy crazy crazy" we were discussing a VERY important topic. Some didn't see it that way, their choice/opinion, freedom of speech. Well, a long standing member here, whom I've never crossed posting paths with, and not even participating in that thread, sent me a PM insulting a small Bible quote. (Clay and Iron). No big deal. Then PM'd me again directly insulting me. I replied: Your comments are not useful nor are they welcome". With that he sent an even nastier one. HA! If these examples can't get along civilly in our small Audio world, how will they work together with others in our real world when we NEED TO STICK TOGETHER?? I hope "roberttcan" see's this. HA! I take these people in full stride.
Not so sure some of tough guys on social media forums aren't also some of the most argumentative person to person. I've known a number of 'banty roosters' in my life, they'll cut you in person just like they do here. A couple of these guys were/are audiophiles.
Some claim you need to develop thick skin, thick skin types often use consensus bias in interactions, assume others have equally thick skin. Thick skin has fertile ground to grow in, may not even notice over time. Thick skin can turn into suit of armor.
It’s about learning how to “read.” I think everyone here has learned to skip over posts from certain people. And always carefully read posts from some others. When a post begins like, “I’ve never heard the two components you ask about, but…”. There are a lot of posts here which are worse than worthless.
I think its perfectly fine word an opinion to be challenged. That's robust discussion and I'd encourage it.
But if its insulting words? That's very childish, and there's a strong argument for that to be allowed exactly so that person may be challenged in a civilised manner.
Lack of self-confidence -or- the inability of some people to see that not everyone thinks, has the same perceptions, or has the same values as they do
This is supposedly a fun activity that we are discussing. And some people are insecure enough to want to impose RULES on how others SHOULD enjoy audio equipment?
For what it’s worth, I participate and contribute to more than a few audio forums. The only forum that tolerates contentious and confrontational exchanges with regularity is this one. From what I have observed, confrontational exchanges tend to be a feature, not an aberration, on this site. That is unfortunate, because I enjoy and appreciate much of the non-confrontational input I’ve received here.
Personally, I believe that the moderators and sponsors of this site intentionally, if passively, promote no-holds-barred discussion to differentiate this forum from others.
"The conflict occurs when people need others to share their same beliefs"
Disagreements (about audio stuff) are often interesting and particularly when folks offer well thought-out arguments or personal observations to support their positions. These forums would be boring without opposing viewpoints. Having confidence in one's beliefs is fine, just keep the discussion on topic and tolerate those who disagree. The consequence of not keeping disparaging remarks and personal attacks in check will be less participation
on this site by potential new members and by others who do not want to put up with the antagonism. Audiogon can decide what they want to tolerate, and then live with the result.
I get the topics email every day and I check in on this forum but I don't spend much time here. There seems to be a high level of dysfunctional interaction.
I have had a much better experience with the audio forums on Facebook. They are much more tightly moderated and a**holes are removed pretty quickly. I also like the structure better that allows you to efficiently respond to individual posts in a thread. The overall level of ego also seems to be less. People generally want to share information and help each other.
I used to have a recording studio and there were some recording forums that were as bad as Audiogon. Gearslutz was the best example. You could always depend on a few jerks mucking up any good discussion.
Audiogon is worth a quick scan every day and there are a few threads like Thiel Owners have been extremely valuable and constructive. I paw through the trash to find the occasional diamond and try not to waste too much time in the process.
Some folks get so emotionally invested in their opinion that they perceive challenges to their opinion as somehow challenging/insulting themselves. I suspect many anti-cable folks fall into this category and are so emotionally entrenched that they cannot emotionally look at evidence to the contrary. Many of these folks experience emotional pain when they admit they’re wrong so avoid it at all costs. The truth is that varying opinions leads to debates which help us to learn and grow.
Always look at the bright side. It beats shooting each other.
It’s a great philosophy. An attitude of gratitude leads to a joyful life. Too many people focus on what’s wrong with the world which isn’t healthy mentality. If one focuses on the news, which is heavily slanted to the negative and entertainment ratings, will lead to a negatively balanced point of view. The good news is that people can change for the better. How? Thinking is nothing more than asking and answering questions. Negative people are constantly asking themselves “what’s wrong with ___”. So asking better questions such as “ what’s great about this, what can I learn from this, what I am grateful for” creates healthy thinking. Also, intentionally changing focus from a negative to a positive also greatly helps one’s mentally.
I strongly disagree with those who are saying that people who make these nasty comments online also make them in face to face conversations. People who make these comments in online forums are hiding behind the anonymity that online forums provide and are likely much nicer in person because they realize that if they said some of these things to someone face to face, it wouldn't be long before no one would associate with them. For that reason, I now refer to all social media as antisocial media because that's what it has become. Are there appropriate moments when a good putdown is needed for a person you will never associate with again in a face to face situation? Darn right there are, but they are very rare and you have to be creative and use just the right putdown to be effective. Calling someone an idiot is uncreative, lazy, and worthless, so the OP can take away from this that the person who wrote that reply to him is uncreative, lazy, and worthless as well. BTW, MC brings much of the vitriol on himself by projecting an unjustified overconfidence that only he can be correct. That's hogwash and we all know it.
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