I enjoy seeing posts from ladies on Audiogon. Can you imagine meeting your 'soulmate' and she's into audio as much as you are? I guess I can dream.. |
Good, you are warming up now. Take a look in her closet and count the pairs of shoes, that should prove instructive. The fashion lifetime of each pair is/was, give-or-take, 25 minutes.
8>( |
Classical, that sounds like wishful thinking. What if she is a tube/analog chick and you like digital and SS? Huh?
Disclosure: Ive been married for 27 years and have been very, very, very ha..., ha..., hap...hap...haaap...happp...
(Allright, Ill try again in a little while, got to go shrink my nose.)
8>( |
It seems to me that most women who are wives in my area (including my own) believe in the "what is yours is mine" philosophy, or worse, tend to believe they own the monopoly on home sense in terms of what is appropriate to buy, or what is suitable design wise, for the home environment (I mean these in both the ergonomic and fiscal senses).
What this amounts to is the following: man sneaks around buying equipment he can hide somewhere (if he is fortunate enough to have his own space in the house to hide things). If wifey discovers hubby's goodies, wife must be compensated to what she feels are equivalent indulgence levels. Unfortunately women do not consider purses and shoes as comparable indulgences, nor the Broadway plays or dinners out with other couples, which she will likely instruct you to attend (though you might actually enjoy them as well sometimes).
The other, worse, situation is when the husband has no private space, and/or the wife believes she has the sole right to decide what works, interior design wise, in the house. In that case you are screwed. I know guys whose wives won't allow them to have comfortable reclining chairs because they won't fit in with their decor sensibilities! And, when you think about it, you can have a reclining chair custom upholstered to match any decor, so it isnt even about the chair itself, but about control.
All this is a good example of why I openly support gay marriage and look forward to the day when my libido disappears completely and I can find an agreeable, and wealthy, male friend with whom I can pool my money for the ultimate home theatre. J/K |
I thought this ad would be appropriate for this thread: WAF at work.John :-) |
Fire
Have "Yours", "Hers" and "Our" accounts. Don't be afraid to get "Cut Off" if she gets mad about something. Show he now that your balls are made from steel and not ground meat.
Jkalman
In every relationship, there's a "Male" and "Female". |
Fire
Have "Yours", "Hers" and "Our" accounts. Don't be afraid to get "Cut Off" if she gets mad about something. Show her now that your balls are made from steel and not ground meat.
Jkalman
In every relationship, there's a "Male" and "Female". |
A quick read-through of this thread reveals only one or two men who have reasonable and happy relationships with their wives, at least in the areas surrounding their audiophilia. All the rest (25? 30?) are mostly in the "Be a man!" or "I just don't tell my wife" category. While I have no doubt that Audiogoners are a breed apart from the general population (in both good and bad ways!), I find the majority opinion here a little disturbing.
My wife happens to be a bibliophile rather than an audiophile. She buys lots of books, some she'll only read once, and some which I read also. I buy LPs and CDs, some that only I care about, and some that she loves. We both use the audio rig, which is in the living room we share on a daily basis, and she's as happy to have wonderful music as I am. I don't go wild with the hardware, and she helps me audition every piece that cycles through.
Place me squarely in the reasonable and happy category. |
"Be a man ... Show her your balls are made of steel...good riddance...etc."
You married your wife, right? There is some love there, right? There is some mutual respect there, right?
Most of you guys sound like a group of teenage boys talking about how tough you are. |
WAF comes into play in two ways: how much money can be spent, and also how acceptable your purchases are as decor.
Naturally, unless you have so much money and so much room that you can carve out a niche that doesn't affect her at all, you would be dealing with shared money and space. So it is good to start by accepting that she does have a legitimate stake and may have reasonable wishes. Then you can fight her truly unreasonable demands. :-)
I am lucky with WAF, partly because my wife is a music lover and likes the end result. Visually, she would have preferred sleek and matched components (B&O or Bose type looks come to mind) to the hodge podge I have assembled, but it is tolerated. It helps to give in on non-essentials, as when I let her choose the shelf in which the components are kept. Not what I would have picked but such compromises buy me more freedom in the audible arena that I care about. |
Dave
I worked with a guy whose Wife gave him a weekly allowance for lunch. If he wanted to buy something for himself, he had to ask. |
In every relationship, there's a "Male" and "Female" Shut up damn you, don't ruin my fantasy!!! J/K |
Don't get my original post wrong BTW. I'm happily married (if that tired cliche really exists as more than an oxymoron...). My wife knows how much I spent and on what. My system is only around $25-30K (will be around or over $30k when I upgrade the TV). I have my own private office/listening room in the basement that is around 40 ft by 20 ft in size, give or take (more than half is my listening room home theatre space). I do have to compensate my wife for making my resent purchases, but admittedly her requests were not nearly as expensive (but it is all money I brought to the marriage, which is why she is not unreasonable about it). She is not happy about the things I have bought, but she lives with it. I didnt sneak around, but I certainly didnt advertise, though I never lied about it when asked.
I started out by saying, "most of the women who are wives in my area", because it is true for most women I have met, and what I said about men is true about most men I have met. Actually, I am exaggerating; most of the men I have met are whipped and afraid to stand up for a few privileges in the houses that they pay for, as per the reclining chair example. Not compromising enough to let your husband have one chair he enjoys sitting in, in the den no less, is sadistic IMO, especially since it can be upholstered to match any decor. Albeit my wife has the rest of the house and picks everything, but I still have recliners in the den! |
Let's face it most (not all) women just don't get the audio thing. My wife just thinks I'm half nuts when I get the upgrade bug. I try tp make sound, thoughtful purchases that don't waste money by usually buying used equipment. We have had some interesting "discussions" over the years but I'm usually creative in finding a way to make it work. To be fair I don't get the shopping trips for clothes, shoes etc. that in a couple of years end up in the donation pile to the local charities. Go figure. |
I suggest that all unmarried guys print this entire thread and give it to their girlfriends, fiances and any other woman that they might live with in the future. After reading this, they will see how serious you are and that there are many other men that share your passion. She will see all of the shennanigans that some men have gone through to try and satisfy their thirst for this hobby.
Tell her that you'd like to continue in your hobby in the same fashion as before marriage and would not like to have to resort to some of the things that the previous posters have done. If she buys in......good for you. If she hesitates or says no.....you have a decison or a compromise to make, and you'll have to live with it for a long time.
You married guys may want to give a copy of this thread to your wives too.....it probably won't do any good and it's probably too late now, but at least they'll probably get a better understanding of how important this is to some guys and the lengths they go to in order to pursue this hobby. |
Reply to Mitch4t:
Just put it in the prenuptial. She might lie! |
Being single, I don't know, but has it ever happened.. even once, where a guy is thinking about buying a nice amp, and his wife says; "You know honey, that amp is sweet, but why don't we just buy some new mono blocks. I think our Vandersteen 5A's would sound better and we'd be less likely to upgrade in a year." ..maybe that's what it will be like in Heaven. |
Classical1, ROTFLMAO!!!
That was funny, thanks. |
I read threads like this and realize how many straight men really dislike women, and vice versa. I agree with some of the other posters - some people have definitely made a regretable mistake in choosing their life partners. :-(
Holly |
Being one of the single straight guys here, I would guess that very few of these 'straight' men "dislike" women. I would also bet that if they're not happily married that audio equipment is not the root cause of that. I think a lot of this post is 'tongue in cheek'.. yet for whatever reason, 'guys' are into audio. I admit I'm obsessed with music and have wondered forever why that is a "guy thing". The 'WAF' is very real. To me that doesn't mean one is sexist or dislikes women. Most women I've known are far more intelligent than I am... It would just be an added blessing to share your life with someone who shares your love of music. :) |
Luckily, I found a fantastic set of speakers on deep discount that also double as art (in my and my wife's opinions - EgglestonWorks Fontaines). So I deftly side-stepped the whole, "you're not putting that big ugly wrong-colored box in our living room". Although I am restricted as to how far from the wall they are allowed to sit. There are lots of beauties out there from which to choose thess days ... speakers as well as women. Choose wisely. |
John thank you for the laugh, I think this is one of
the best thread I have read in this forum,Its so
funny and true.By the way, I am so lucky to have a
partner who just let me do things I want,Unfortunately
my wife passed away last July,I really really miss her.
I never experience fighting for the position of my
speakers.She is just very very understanding,After
reading this thread, Ive learn a lot, How women think.
I dont want a woman change me for who Iam.I will be
very unhappy if a woman tells me to stop buying music.
For all who posted above, thanks a lot I did enjoy
all your comedy,and creative thinking.Thanks Bon |
Jayctoy- Sorry about your loss. Hang in there buddy :) |
Dan,thank you.The only difficult part of this is, if
I dediced to get married again,like cables you need
burn in, and components you need to break them in,
For sure I be looking for a good synergy,No test drive
here,since I am a Christian, only audition,This thread
taught me a lot of good tips.It made me feel,I am so
extremely bless.Amen. |
My wife lets me buy anything I want. She just won't let me put anything in any room of "our house". She says she will unilt she sees it. Oh and no cables can be seen. She always love my stereo when we were single. |
Rg, maybe the difference is that, my wife plays piano
and own a Marantz system,in her apartment.So She likes
music also. |
What about DAF?
I have been a single parent raising my 16 year old daughter for 12 years.
"Hey dad,if you can afford that amp,why can't you afford to buy me a car?"
"Well honey,I feel you are too young to have your own car"
"Well dad,I feel you are too old to be playing with stereo's"
Consider yourself lucky if you 'only' have WAF and not teen DAF :~) |
My wife and I solved the problem by agreeing to set aside a room for my musical pursuits. That said, I still don't want to antagonize her. If I'm interested in buying something expensive I ask her opinion of it. After all, we share the house as well as the money. More often than not there is no problem because we both try to be reasonable. |
I can sympathize with you Dave as I know your daughter and she can be a tough one....My daughters just laugh and think their Dad is goofy...of course so does my current wife...Just keep buying equipment that's the same color as the piece you're replacing and you won't have a problem |
Jefff1: Very, very funny! |
I have bought and sold so much stuff that my wife really doesn't care. I have proved that we could liquidate it all so quickly if need be, heaven forbid, that she really could care less what I spend. But.... since we don't have a dedicated media/listening room yet, I must be able to hide all of the gear if someone is coming over. Works out well for me that way too though. I love Magnepan's and since they are so thin and relatively light, they can be slid together and out of the way behind a decorative screen. That made them an easy sell. |
If all else fails, don't forget that there's always the Blue Circle "Music Pumps":
http://www.onhifi.com/product/bluecircle_musicpumps_purse.htm |
hey guys [and gals!]
happy to say that's not a problem in our houshold...we are partners on this "two channel/audio only" adventure and in that lies the true satisfaction of our hobby...shared experience!
azjake |
You get what you earn. You get what you accept. If audio is important earn the money so the family does not suffer and then do not buy into WAF. It is important to you and if you are a good and loyal spouse/parent/partner/lover/friend she will see that you get your toys! Be patient with the purchases however. Do not constantly upgrade or change out. Find a good system and only upgrade on an irregular interval. It would be nice to involve her and/or the children. My son (soon to be 22) wants my system! In other words be realistic and responsible. Your system is for the music not vice versa. Alternatively...do not get married. |
