Wife Acceptance Factor

You get what you earn. You get what you accept. If audio is important earn the money so the family does not suffer and then do not buy into WAF. It is important to you and if you are a good and loyal spouse/parent/partner/lover/friend she will see that you get your toys! Be patient with the purchases however. Do not constantly upgrade or change out. Find a good system and only upgrade on an irregular interval. It would be nice to involve her and/or the children. My son (soon to be 22) wants my system! In other words be realistic and responsible. Your system is for the music not vice versa. Alternatively...do not get married.

hey guys [and gals!]
happy to say that's not a problem in our houshold...we are partners on this "two channel/audio only" adventure and in that lies the true satisfaction of our hobby...shared experience!
azjake

If all else fails, don't forget that there's always the Blue Circle "Music Pumps":

http://www.onhifi.com/product/bluecircle_musicpumps_purse.htm

I have bought and sold so much stuff that my wife really doesn't care. I have proved that we could liquidate it all so quickly if need be, heaven forbid, that she really could care less what I spend. But.... since we don't have a dedicated media/listening room yet, I must be able to hide all of the gear if someone is coming over. Works out well for me that way too though. I love Magnepan's and since they are so thin and relatively light, they can be slid together and out of the way behind a decorative screen. That made them an easy sell.

Jefff1: Very, very funny!

I can sympathize with you Dave as I know your daughter and she can be a tough one....My daughters just laugh and think their Dad is goofy...of course so does my current wife...Just keep buying equipment that's the same color as the piece you're replacing and you won't have a problem

My wife and I solved the problem by agreeing to set aside a room for my musical pursuits. That said, I still don't want to antagonize her. If I'm interested in buying something expensive I ask her opinion of it. After all, we share the house as well as the money. More often than not there is no problem because we both try to be reasonable.

What about DAF?
I have been a single parent raising my 16 year old daughter for 12 years.
"Hey dad,if you can afford that amp,why can't you afford to buy me a car?"
"Well honey,I feel you are too young to have your own car"
"Well dad,I feel you are too old to be playing with stereo's"
Consider yourself lucky if you 'only' have WAF and not teen DAF :~)

Rg, maybe the difference is that, my wife plays piano
and own a Marantz system,in her apartment.So She likes
music also.

My wife lets me buy anything I want. She just won't let me put anything in any room of "our house". She says she will unilt she sees it. Oh and no cables can be seen. She always love my stereo when we were single.

Dan,thank you.The only difficult part of this is, if
I dediced to get married again,like cables you need
burn in, and components you need to break them in,
For sure I be looking for a good synergy,No test drive
here,since I am a Christian, only audition,This thread
taught me a lot of good tips.It made me feel,I am so
extremely bless.Amen.

Jayctoy- Sorry about your loss. Hang in there buddy :)

John thank you for the laugh, I think this is one of
the best thread I have read in this forum,Its so
funny and true.By the way, I am so lucky to have a
partner who just let me do things I want,Unfortunately
my wife passed away last July,I really really miss her.
I never experience fighting for the position of my
speakers.She is just very very understanding,After
reading this thread, Ive learn a lot, How women think.
I dont want a woman change me for who Iam.I will be
very unhappy if a woman tells me to stop buying music.
For all who posted above, thanks a lot I did enjoy
all your comedy,and creative thinking.Thanks Bon

Luckily, I found a fantastic set of speakers on deep discount that also double as art (in my and my wife's opinions - EgglestonWorks Fontaines). So I deftly side-stepped the whole, "you're not putting that big ugly wrong-colored box in our living room". Although I am restricted as to how far from the wall they are allowed to sit. There are lots of beauties out there from which to choose thess days ... speakers as well as women. Choose wisely.

Being one of the single straight guys here, I would guess that very few of these 'straight' men "dislike" women. I would also bet that if they're not happily married that audio equipment is not the root cause of that. I think a lot of this post is 'tongue in cheek'.. yet for whatever reason, 'guys' are into audio. I admit I'm obsessed with music and have wondered forever why that is a "guy thing". The 'WAF' is very real. To me that doesn't mean one is sexist or dislikes women. Most women I've known are far more intelligent than I am... It would just be an added blessing to share your life with someone who shares your love of music. :)

I read threads like this and realize how many straight men really dislike women, and vice versa. I agree with some of the other posters - some people have definitely made a regretable mistake in choosing their life partners. :-(

Holly

Classical1, ROTFLMAO!!!

That was funny, thanks.

Being single, I don't know, but has it ever happened.. even once, where a guy is thinking about buying a nice amp, and his wife says; "You know honey, that amp is sweet, but why don't we just buy some new mono blocks. I think our Vandersteen 5A's would sound better and we'd be less likely to upgrade in a year." ..maybe that's what it will be like in Heaven.

Reply to Mitch4t:

Just put it in the prenuptial. She might lie!

I suggest that all unmarried guys print this entire thread and give it to their girlfriends, fiances and any other woman that they might live with in the future. After reading this, they will see how serious you are and that there are many other men that share your passion. She will see all of the shennanigans that some men have gone through to try and satisfy their thirst for this hobby.

Tell her that you'd like to continue in your hobby in the same fashion as before marriage and would not like to have to resort to some of the things that the previous posters have done. If she buys in......good for you. If she hesitates or says no.....you have a decison or a compromise to make, and you'll have to live with it for a long time.

You married guys may want to give a copy of this thread to your wives too.....it probably won't do any good and it's probably too late now, but at least they'll probably get a better understanding of how important this is to some guys and the lengths they go to in order to pursue this hobby.

Let's face it most (not all) women just don't get the audio thing. My wife just thinks I'm half nuts when I get the upgrade bug. I try tp make sound, thoughtful purchases that don't waste money by usually buying used equipment. We have had some interesting "discussions" over the years but I'm usually creative in finding a way to make it work. To be fair I don't get the shopping trips for clothes, shoes etc. that in a couple of years end up in the donation pile to the local charities. Go figure.

Don't get my original post wrong BTW. I'm happily married (if that tired cliche really exists as more than an oxymoron...). My wife knows how much I spent and on what. My system is only around $25-30K (will be around or over $30k when I upgrade the TV). I have my own private office/listening room in the basement that is around 40 ft by 20 ft in size, give or take (more than half is my listening room home theatre space). I do have to compensate my wife for making my resent purchases, but admittedly her requests were not nearly as expensive (but it is all money I brought to the marriage, which is why she is not unreasonable about it). She is not happy about the things I have bought, but she lives with it. I didn’t sneak around, but I certainly didn’t advertise, though I never lied about it when asked.

I started out by saying, "most of the women who are wives in my area", because it is true for most women I have met, and what I said about men is true about most men I have met. Actually, I am exaggerating; most of the men I have met are whipped and afraid to stand up for a few privileges in the houses that they pay for, as per the reclining chair example. Not compromising enough to let your husband have one chair he enjoys sitting in, in the den no less, is sadistic IMO, especially since it can be upholstered to match any decor. Albeit my wife has the rest of the house and picks everything, but I still have recliners in the den!

In every relationship, there's a "Male" and "Female"

Shut up damn you, don't ruin my fantasy!!!

J/K

Dave
I worked with a guy whose Wife gave him a weekly allowance for lunch. If he wanted to buy something for himself, he had to ask.

WAF comes into play in two ways: how much money can be spent, and also how acceptable your purchases are as decor.

Naturally, unless you have so much money and so much room that you can carve out a niche that doesn't affect her at all, you would be dealing with shared money and space. So it is good to start by accepting that she does have a legitimate stake and may have reasonable wishes. Then you can fight her truly unreasonable demands. :-)

I am lucky with WAF, partly because my wife is a music lover and likes the end result. Visually, she would have preferred sleek and matched components (B&O or Bose type looks come to mind) to the hodge podge I have assembled, but it is tolerated. It helps to give in on non-essentials, as when I let her choose the shelf in which the components are kept. Not what I would have picked but such compromises buy me more freedom in the audible arena that I care about.

"Be a man ... Show her your balls are made of steel...good riddance...etc."
You married your wife, right? There is some love there, right? There is some mutual respect there, right?
Most of you guys sound like a group of teenage boys talking about how tough you are.

A quick read-through of this thread reveals only one or two men who have reasonable and happy relationships with their wives, at least in the areas surrounding their audiophilia. All the rest (25? 30?) are mostly in the "Be a man!" or "I just don't tell my wife" category. While I have no doubt that Audiogoners are a breed apart from the general population (in both good and bad ways!), I find the majority opinion here a little disturbing.

My wife happens to be a bibliophile rather than an audiophile. She buys lots of books, some she'll only read once, and some which I read also. I buy LPs and CDs, some that only I care about, and some that she loves. We both use the audio rig, which is in the living room we share on a daily basis, and she's as happy to have wonderful music as I am. I don't go wild with the hardware, and she helps me audition every piece that cycles through.

Place me squarely in the reasonable and happy category.

Fire
Have "Yours", "Hers" and "Our" accounts. Don't be afraid to get "Cut Off" if she gets mad about something. Show her now that your balls are made from steel and not ground meat.
Jkalman
In every relationship, there's a "Male" and "Female".

Fire
Have "Yours", "Hers" and "Our" accounts. Don't be afraid to get "Cut Off" if she gets mad about something. Show he now that your balls are made from steel and not ground meat.
Jkalman
In every relationship, there's a "Male" and "Female".

I thought this ad would be appropriate for this thread:

WAF at work.

John :-)

It seems to me that most women who are wives in my area (including my own) believe in the "what is yours is mine" philosophy, or worse, tend to believe they own the monopoly on “home sense” in terms of what is appropriate to buy, or what is suitable design wise, for the home environment (I mean these in both the ergonomic and fiscal senses).

What this amounts to is the following: man sneaks around buying equipment he can hide somewhere (if he is fortunate enough to have his own space in the house to hide things). If wifey discovers hubby's goodies, wife must be compensated to what she feels are equivalent indulgence levels. Unfortunately women do not consider purses and shoes as comparable indulgences, nor the Broadway plays or dinners out with other couples, which she will likely instruct you to attend (though you might actually enjoy them as well sometimes).

The other, worse, situation is when the husband has no private space, and/or the wife believes she has the sole right to decide what works, interior design wise, in the house. In that case you are screwed. I know guys whose wives won't allow them to have comfortable reclining chairs because they won't fit in with their decor sensibilities! And, when you think about it, you can have a reclining chair custom upholstered to match any decor, so it isn’t even about the chair itself, but about control.

All this is a good example of why I openly support gay marriage and look forward to the day when my libido disappears completely and I can find an agreeable, and wealthy, male friend with whom I can pool my money for the ultimate home theatre. J/K

Classical, that sounds like wishful thinking. What if she is a tube/analog chick and you like digital and SS? Huh?

Disclosure: I’ve been married for 27 years and have been very, very, very ha..., ha..., hap...hap...haaap...happp...

(Allright, I’ll try again in a little while, got to go shrink my nose.)

8>(

Good, you are warming up now. Take a look in her closet and count the pairs of shoes, that should prove instructive. The fashion lifetime of each pair is/was, give-or-take, 25 minutes.

8>(

I enjoy seeing posts from ladies on Audiogon. Can you imagine meeting your 'soulmate' and she's into audio as much as you are? I guess I can dream..

I just spoke to my fiance about this subject. She said to be open about my desires, and she will be in agreement with most of the purchases I make, but will not be supportive of every purchase that I want to make. Although, she did say that I should in all fairness be accepting of her spa days and pedicure / manicure expenditures. So, it sounds like I will be able to acquire a nice system, but I have to put up with alot of wasted dollars on her purchases (designer handbags, salons, etc.) That is a compromise that I can afford to make even though I think women waste money on intangibles that offer no long term benefit (i.e. having equipment that will last several years vs. wasting money on services that offer nothing but immediate gratification).

I have never once in my life heard of a woman divorcing her husband because he buys stereo equipment. If she does she didn't love him and want him to be happy to begin with.
Good riddance in that case.

To me seeking an excellent sound is about creating an atmosphere in my home where I can relax and really enjoy the music. I upgrade to improve on that. If I spent a lot of money to get an excellent sound quality, yet made my wife resentful and angry in the process, the sense of strife would hinder what I'm trying to achieve.

If you've ever eaten a gourmet meal while fighting with someone, you know that the food tastes terrible. I think it's even more true with music because music strongly affects our moods. Listening to music is always most enjoyable in an atmosphere of peace and harmony.

Bravo to those men who have come to some sort of agreement with their wives (even if it's dividing up the floors)because if your wife is at peace with the situation, she'll be more secure, happy and more likely to be responsive to your wants. To those who don't have this peace, I'd recommend making an upgrade in your treatment of your wife before spending more money. No speaker or amount of decibels can fully drown out an unhappy or resentful wife.

Several posters have probably missed the point to this post. It is not a question of being a man or not,or even that we have nagging wives, the point is to include your wife in major purchases that will be in plain view, like speakers. Electronics are easier and usually out of the way, but speakers are going to be seen day in and day out As others have said, we do not really care what our wife spends her extra money on, because she in turn will indulge us in our own pursuits. However, if you want to be the man go ahead and buy whatever you want. You will be the man, the single man or the divorced five times man, get the picture.

Well, congratulations. I'd keep in mind that right now it's all love, and what is said, promised and anticipated will likely vary from the reality that unfolds. That's life!

Never count on her really understanding your hi-fi obsession. Do you really grasp her passion for scrapbooking or sewing or whatever she's into? Men and women are wired differently (thank God).

My advice: Be fiscally responsible, remembering that this hobby is never really a PRIORITY as things in life go. It can however be a passion, because music is beautiful.

Oh one more thing- don't share how much cables cost unless forced to! :)

Why do you work hard day in and day out? My rule of thumb: spend 10% of your annual income on toys you enjoy. And no... don't consult or "ask permission". No one asks my permission when she comes home with yet another pair of shoes or more clothes, and fact of the matter is I could care less. Funniest thing that happened so far was when I came home with a new car, she sez "you didn't consult me on buying a car, and I had no idea you were buying this model", I sez "why would I, you have your own car". I was perplexed *L*

Life's short, enjoy it to the max and don't go through life whipped.

p.s. before anyone reminds me about children, I have three of 'em. And they each have their own two-channel rigs.

i dont get it,really,all the guys who claim to have nagging wives always crying about their hobbies must be nuts,is the 9u$$ that good where you are not allowed to pursue somthing your passionet about & your ok with it?

every time i read one of these waf threads & hear about how guys have to sneak & hide their gear or get rid of fantastic sounding speakers that they love & replace them with little waf friendly monitors & all because the little woman dont think they match the decor it makes me think they are nuts.

for 20 years my wife has put up with countless loud motor cycles & ugly stereo's & hifi & only had one bad thing to say & that was after i threw out her brand new love seat sofa to make room for my klipschorns(sounded like a good plan at the time)but she got over it & actually liked the khorns better than the sofa.

im not trying to act like the big man here with the old im the man speech,i love my wife dearly & i would give up hifi & harleys in a heart beat if it meant keeping the toys i would loose her but she would never ask me somthing like that,she knows that i enjoy these things very much & likes to see me happy.

my advice to anybody who has to deal with this kind of woman is to upgrade her at the same time you upgrade your rig,you'll be much happier & your rig will sound better.

mike.

Hey John, you'd make a good marriage counselor or psychologist !!
Can you say prenup ?? Got your future all mapped out eh ?!!

Baranyi, nice of her to let you.
"She let me buy two pairs of Apogee Scintillas"

I agree with those saying to be up front about it, then what can she say.

You'll find out, that's for sure. My wife knew I smoked and drank when we got married, I don't anymore. They don't love you for who you are, they love what they have the potential to make you, in their mind. You don't know what she has in mind. If you did, you may not marry her.

I was curious whether the ladies in their lives were on-board with these purchases or how they managed to convince them that it is normal to drop $15,000 on a pre-amp when most women (generalization) think that Bose sounds fine.

Don't ask, don't tell. I don't consult, inquire, or convince, I just buy it. If she complains like wholly hell, maybe I'll sell it. She mostly complains about aesthetics. She doesn't complain much anymore, since she now knows that her complaints may make the offending piece leave, but the replacement will be more expensive and just as ugly. Do that enough times and they'll stop complaining.

Also, I can't stress this enough, keep a seperate, private bank account and credit card. That way she'll never know how much $$$ is involved. "Oh, it's just a $50 power cord hon".......yeah, right...LOL.

Good luck,

John

Lkissinger...if this were a real misery loves company post, we'd have to add what it is we do for a living to support the hobby...I can proudly say that I have sold my soul and dignity to a Corporation in exchange for some money.

This post is like a Rorschach Test on audiophile personal relationships. Verrrrrry interesting....

3 months before I got married in 1980, I rolled up to her house in a 1970 Plymouth SuperBird that I just bought . No problem.

If you can't do something simular, don't marry her!!

G O O D L U C K !!!!

My wife is supportive - even offering to buy me a pair of Avantgardes for Christmas last year. However, keep in mind, it's not just women - 98% of men probably don't think "it is normal (nor necessary) to drop $15,000 on a pre-amp". If your fiancee wanted to spend $15,000 on a pair of shoes, would you consider that "reasonable"?

Yeah...like I said, my fiance is pretty cool now, but I'm just trying to figure out how she will change over time. She definately knows that I'm hooked on this hobby and always will be. I already have her buy-in for the speakers I would like to buy someday once the money is saved up, so she has no room to complain. I agree with those saying to be up front about it, then what can she say.

Reason I posted this was just trying to get others' feedback on their experiences. From looking at some of the virtual systems on this site ($$$$$$), I was curious whether the ladies in their lives were on-board with these purchases or how they managed to convince them that it is normal to drop $15,000 on a pre-amp when most women (generalization) think that Bose sounds fine.

OK, my first wife had my entire vintage stereo equipment collection sold to pay attorney fees during our divorce at less than 50 cents on the dollar. I had things like JBL Hartsfields and 4 Western Electric 91's. My second wife is a dream come true. First off, she is an opera singer who appreciates audio equipment! She let me buy two pairs of Apogee Scintillas and with one set she wants to get rid of the dining room table so we can have better sound in our living room dining room combination. I am having a Marntz SA-14 modified by TRL and she says maybe we should get a second one!! I put her in the audio wife hall of fame!! Bob