Mistakes I’ve made

I learned not to leave the grills off my speakers when toddlers are in the household. They can’t resist poking the tweeters. 

I loaned out a nice pair of Yamaha speaker's, and never got them back because he moved with them, when i should have loaned him my EX-WIFE and I would have been happy as a fly on shtttt. because she loved to destroy audio gear when she got mad.

After a 41 year loan, I hope you paid for dinner!

I borrowed the Ten Years After LP, "A Space In Time" from an acquaintance around 1977.  Saw him at a get together in 2016. 
Then we were all to meet for dinner in 2018 so I brought the LP with me and returned it.  We all got a kick out of it.  It was an early pressing and the sound quality of the LP was exquisite.  
Better late than never.

I loaned my CD of Pearl Jam “Ten” to my best friend the day after I bought it.  After almost a year I asked for it back since I only played it once before he got it.  I had to ask quite a few times for it and I finally got it back, scratched.  My friend was angry for my asking for it back and didn’t talk to me for a long time.  I guess he really thought it was his. 

*s* Observation & imho of all the above...

Don’t ’loan’ Anything out to Anyone with the expectation of return in the future.
If returned at all, if the item is anywhere close to the condition it left your hands, consider it an reason to consider oneself incredibly blessed beyond rational thought.

Here’s a concept one might consider:
Ask the ’lendee’ to provide an item of a relatively similar ’value’ to you (the ’lender’) to guarantee the treatment of your item.

If item returns trashed, feel free to sledgehammer the ’ransom’ in front of ’lendee’.

Yes, it is an extreme concept to consider. But recall the ’ye olde saw’ you’ve heard before:

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be."

The ’flip side’ of the laments expressed above?

"Hell is other humans." ;)

Hopefully Happy New Year, J

@milpai 

yes it was! 

@jetter ,That was hilarious :-)))

I loaned kenjit a pair of speakers and when he gave them back he had drilled holes in the back to tune them to his liking.  Something about the back waves now being able to escape versus bouncing forward and commingling with the forward firing waves.  Way over my head.

+1 @kingsleuy
+1 @middlemass
Stuff and money comes and goes, but what should be a higher priority is relationships.
Generosity is a great virtue, but it must be tempered with wisdom.  For instance, if a guy keeps running out of money because he cannot control his spending, he cannot distinguish his needs from his wants, then any additional money won’t really help his problem.  If it is a loan, you’ll only be adding to his burden which he cannot pay back.

OP: Never regret being generous. It's a an admirable character trait and you will be rewarded many times over.

Lot's of Mistakes in my life.  "Loaning" out motto,
"Never loan out anything I or you are not willing to give away"
Stereo equipment, tools, money, frying pan...

I remember being mesmerized by hifi gear in PX catalogs in the 70's

The flip side is while overseas I bought quite a bit of "very good" stereo equipment, but had yet to receive it as part of rotating back to the states.
Still have some of it. And yes almost 50 years later it still sounds excellent.

When I went into the service I loaned a complete system (receiver, TT, speakers and a few records) to a friend.  It was the 70s, I was young and it was a 10 year old Radio Shack system, but top-of-line for them.  I come back from overseas and he is married and at a BBQ at his place with many people he announces to everyone what a great wedding gift I had given them!  I was essentially apoplectic.

That was the first and last time for that sheeit!

@testpilot 

I've heard this when confronted-

"Oh, you already have a really nice stereo- I never thought you would want your ______ back"

I cannot imagine throwing a borrowed turntable in the trash.
But then, I've never loaned (or borrowed) HiFi gear.
On the other hand, if you've never made expensive mistakes in this hobby, then probably you're either very young, very lucky, or you're not trying hard enough.

Some of my biggest mistakes involved buying mid-priced compromise gear. I haven't fallen for too many expensive snake oil gimmicks, though. I did once buy a $500 set of isolation footers for my speakers, which did nothing much but make them wobbly. That was easy enough to fix by sending them back.

What's the opposite of expensive mistakes? Moving your speakers (or listening chair) a few inches.

Imho, it sounds like your friends confused loaned with gifted.  Since this has happened on multiple occasions with different people, perhaps you should make your intentions more clear.  

I clicked a link to ASR thread once, insane.

Well, one relative I loaned stuff to is dead, and another relative I loaned to I refuse to have anything to do with anymore for other reasons

That’s a start 

@zavato 
You seem like a generous caring person.  However, your lending practices seem unwise.  When you lend, relationships can easily suffer when you try to get your stuff back.  Those folks who abused/dumped your lent stuff may now have guilt in their relationship with you and you may have resentment towards them.  Instead of helping them, you may be enabling their bad behavior especially the non caring irresponsible people.

If you must lend, make it very clear up front on when you expect to get it returned, let them know that you don’t like lending because it can damage relationships, then get them to agree to “can I trust you to return it on time?” maybe sealed with a handshake while looking them eye to eye.  Periodically tactfully reminding them of the due date may also be a good idea like 2 weeks before it’s due.  Also, you can say “did you used it yet? I hope so because I was really trying to help you out” - increased gratitude can farther increase their motivation to return your stuff.

tnic73:  You need to stay away from that cousin!  

The only things I have loaned out and not gotten back were some CD’s.  I learned not to lend any more out and most people don’t ask. 

I also try to deal with reputable people that do what they say and are honest.  Life is too short to deal with the other kinds.

I borrowed a pair of Boston Acoustics to an emotionally unstable cousin of mine. One day he garbage picks a receiver and hooks up my speakers, they don't work so he smashes them with a hammer and throws them away. I ask him, did you ever think it might have been the receiver that you pulled out of the garbage that was the problem? 

Three months later on a camping trip I tear a hole in a $5 garage sale tent of his and he tells me that when we get home I am taking him shopping for a new tent.

ebm, what a surprise.

Op, good for you. Cast thy Bread upon the waters.

as for me, leaving over two thousand records on a cold sidewalk. 

@slaw

You raise a good point- when people start to believe doing the right thing is something extraordinary, I wonder how others were taught to behave

Happy new year to you as well-

@zavato ,

You sound like me...expecting others to be raised with a sense of right and wrong.

Wishing you a happy new year!

No not at all- Can I interest you in a DAC and speakers? 

Genuinely funny!

Oh, and a buddy of mine now is borrowing a tube headphone amp and a pair of headphones- I doubt those will be tossed out- 

@zavato   Mind if I borrow some gear?  I have excellent references.

Reminds me of...

"To all the girls I’ve loved before

Who travelled in and out my door
I’m glad they came along
I dedicate this song
To all the girls I’ve loved before

To all the girls I once caressed
And may I say I’ve held the best
For helping me to grow
I owe a lot I know
To all the girls I’ve loved before

The winds of change are always blowing
And every time I try to stay
The winds of change continue blowing
And they just carry me away"

Because when you borrow something you're only a temporary caretaker, and duty bound to return what you've borrowed, none the worse for the wear. 

The thought that someone else will value things in the same fashion is a great setup for disappointment. Once I give it, it's gone, no longer mine. Shall I pretend that life is about protecting physical items that went another direction? No thank you! If they wish to destroy it, and the potential value it can bring to them, fine. Their problem. Obviously, all the intent in the world to make someone value things similarly doesn't work. So, why stress about it? 

Hee hee that was pretty good.. YUP It counts...

Regards

I've never loaned audio equipment to friends but I've loaned CDs and records that were never returned. I wish I had half of the amount of money I've loaned to people who never paid me back---I'd be pretty rich. My parents always told me never to loan people things unless you never want to see it again---they were right.

Wow, still scratchin’ my head...

Sounds like easy come easy go... How’s that OP...

Over and over... Must have come easy... That's a statement, not a question..

Regards

tooblue 

thank you for the kind words- it means a great deal to me- 

my 2021 resolution list- 

1) stop lending photo gear (and I still am missing one lens- guy moved very far  away)

2) stop lending music (never comes back)

3) stop lending gear (see original post)

4) when a person tells you they are crazy, believe them 

5) live, laugh, love, listen to music


Have a happy new year tooblue 

@zavato , I could always tell by the way you carried yourself on the forums that you sir are one of the good ones, have a beautiful new year, and quit lending your gear. Enjoy the music

Mijostyn 

I’m just more foolish. I’ve also loaned out photo equipment with similar effect. 
I have some gear that would be worthy of pro use. I loaned pro flash gear to a person who was trying to break into the wedding photography business.  Person had that piece for a long time- probably a few years and it saw heavy use. After a while it started not working quite right. How did I find out? “Hey- yeah, well the piece you loaned me started acting up- I hope you don’t mind but since it wasn’t working right anymore I threw it out”

the only time I ever borrowed a camera- it was from a relative- it did break while I had it. I had it repaired, returned the camera, and never mentioned to my relative that it broke. 

Jim204

It’s an original reproduction but I do have other honest to goodness hand made in a darkroom prints hanging up as well throughout my home. No one famous. Two of them are in my system photo. Just below and slightly left of Moonrise is a photo of a row of knitting machines in a sweater factory, early morning, with the sun streaming in. That photo was taken in the 70’s. Another is right above my turntable- a half sunk rowboat - that’s from the 80’s 

I am a huge fan of B&W photography. Moonrise is an amazing image 

I Never lend stereo equipment or records or cds.

Playing a record one time went to flip it over, slipped out of my hands and flew behind the rack. Now has a tick. First thought no big, just buy another. Come to find out Lost on the River, the New Basement Tapes, what few copies there are on Discogs are like $200 now. Ouch.  

I've just been having a look at your system and noticed on your wall a copy of Moonrise over Hernandez by the God of Photography ,
Ansel Adams , tell me it's an original !!!

Zavato, it seem like you are more generous than most of us. Fool me once?

My friends know me well enough that if they did that to me they would be looking for an emergency dentist.