You might be an audiophile if...

With apologies to Mr. Jeff Foxworthy, thought it would be fun to come up with (clean) examples of the wretched excesses that us poor audiophiles are subject to. I'll start it off. Extra points for originality and wit.

You might be an audiophile if your stereo costs more than your car. Or your house.

You might be an audiophile if - you've ever had to choose between a girlfriend and a new pair of speakers.
You might be an audiophile if- your living room only has 1 or 2 chairs in it.
You might be an audiophile . . . if you can't open your front door all the way and have to walk around the speaker blocking it to enter the house.
I got three pairs of speakers and no girlfriend.

Maybe I'll dump the monitors and go get a hooker.
You might be an audiophile if you postpone the root canal because a great pair of NOS tubes just went up for sale. What else can you do when finances are tight?
You might be an audiophile if you evaluate new houses based on their suitability for speaker placement. A fireplace as the room's focal point - Huh?
Pamela Anderson asks you if you want to get your groove on with her and all you think she wants to do is listen to vinyl.

If you remember to change the oil in your turntable bearing but not in your might be an audiophile.
YMBAAI: You leave your car running all night so the radio/cd will be ready to listen to on the way to work.
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you wear mismatched socks but your vinyl collection is arranged alphabetically.
Uhhhh, how many of these do you have to fall under before you can be called "certifiable"?
I remember a University course in Abnormal Psych where I'd start to get nervous if I knew too many of the feelings and characteristics described - this feels like deja vu all over again.
...each of your speakers weigh more than you do.'ve changed one or more of your components more frequently than you
brush your teeth. makes sense to put together just one more system to go along with the
other six you already have setup throughout your house, and the four in
storage (there is still the cellar stairs after can fit a chair there at the
bottom, and carpet the stairs and add some Echo Busters..)

...your LP collection requires its own separate room.

...not only do you know what the "Fred's Head Mod" is, you actually have the
green and blue pens to prove it.
if beg your friends not to but that BLOWS system at the super store, and convince them to give you the money to buy used off the 'Gon. If your sytstem is worth more than your car$(OK my car).
-you're listening to your system untill 1am, then get up to listen again at 6am, all bacause the power grid is 'quiet'

-you lock your living room door so the family can not come in to disturb you, and play dumb later "...sorry, I could not hear you, must of been that last movement..."

-you put a lock on your living room door to begin with
Your lady comes out of the bedroom, wearing a slinky negligée, and a "come play with me look", and you tell her just another half-hour until I finish cleaning vinyl on my VPI.
your stereo system was put together by selecting equipment from Stereophile's Reccommended Components list!*>)
the power cord attached to your amplifier cost more than your amplifier!

I couldn't resist!*>)
You've ever thought your Dunlavy SC IV's would make spiffy coffins for you and the Mrs.
I AM an audiophile:
*my vinyl/cd collection is in alphabetical order & requires a (small) separate room (I don't wear socks in summer)
* I evaluate new homes also by their suitability for spkr placement
* I have a dedicated circuit
* I listen to music late at night and, yes, the sound is better...
...and more

Gunbei : LOL. At least you know that yr spkrs are very faithful...
When someone asks you what kind of stereo you have it takes twenty minutes to answer
...if you buy a cd that you already have. Now I have never done this...just know some people who have:) stop inviting friends and relatives over for fear of them questioning you sanity, once they saw what you've done to the living room. swear you can hear the difference between an object 1/4 once vs 1/2 once placed on top of your component. spent the week-ends tweaking your components that you thought sounded "Perfect" last week-end. look around for things that "might" work in your system everytime you walk into a Home Depot.
I have a dedicated credit card for audio purchases. I have a dedicated room for the empty boxes. I am seeking a dedicated therapist.--- pay the electic company way more than you have to every month so everythings always "warmed up". get more excited over looking at a nice set of speakers than you do a nice set of boobs.

...your connections are way cleaner than your windows.

...your couch has a permanent imprint in the sweet spot.

...your family is afraid to touch the stereo.

...your last choice for audio equipment is Best Buy. have ever had a cable delivered overnight red.
If your listening to music on a 90 degree day and you turn off the air conditioning because its too noisy.
...the lighting of your room and the hum of your kit illuminates you more than the passages of the music...
You and your wife sleep in the guest bedroom so that the larger, master bedroom can be used for listening.

Yep, it's true.
You pay $54 per month at a storage facility so you can keep all of the empty audio boxes.
your living room is arranged around your speakers, and your speakers visually dominate the room, being several feet from any walls.
Thanks for all the responses. These have been great. Although I see myself in waaay too many of these. I'll add a few more.

You might be an audiophile if -

You are mentioned in your local Krell dealer's will.

You have more than 20 unused interconnects sitting in a box somewhere.

Too heck with dedicated circuits. You ask the local electric company put in a dedicated transformer for your house. AND THEY DO IT. :o)
you're willing to move your heavy speakers and stands from against the wall to listening position rather than having to sell them because your toddler may knock them over in your listening position.
You buy things you know has absolutely no foundation in science "just in case" they might work, like putting a plastic-encased "chip" on top of your CD player while the CD is spinning, which makes all your CD's magically transform into higher-quality sound.,

(I've NOT done the latter.)
If your garage/attic is full of boxes that all that audio gear comes in.....and nothing else because there ain't no more room...!!!


Some of the furniture ,in your living room , made from some of those boxes(end tables come to mind because years ago I did just that)..why...because you ran out of room in your garage/attic.
You need to sell your excess audio gear to pay for taxes you should have been saving toward instead.
You might be an audiophile if you keep the major appliances out on your front porch so the "motor hum" doesn't intrude on your system.

You might be an audiophile if you schedule family vacation trips only to those destinations that have high end audio salons and adequate vinyl shopping opportunities.
mwilson there's no need to get personal! I'm trying to plan better this year.
I know Mattybumpkin is BSing because there's NO WAY he'd miss a pass like that from Pam...or Christy for that matter.

I think Viridian has busted us all. Heheh.

Marco, I feed both an audiophile and automotive fix that may lead to me one day needing Fixident.

Boa2, you know it. I pay $122/mo for Empty Attic storage to house worthless crap AND my empty audio boxes.

...if your listening room looks like Junji Kimura's from 47 Labs. Mine certainly does.
..... if you used the money you saved for cataract surgery to buy new cables. You don't need your eyes to listen to music anyway.
You're an audiophile if your local high end store's salesment won't give you a demo of a high cost component you know you can't afford, and you get offended!
..If your son's names are Martin, Logan and Krell and your daughter's names are Avalon, Maggie and Linn :-)
...if one or more of the following LP/CD's are among your collection:

Jazz at the Pawnshop
Anything by Diana Krall
Anything by Jacintha
Dark Side of the Moon*
Brothers in Arms*
Any Stereophile Test CD
Anything by Patricia Barber
Muddy Waters Folk Singer

*approved "Audiophile" version required (more than one copy of
either qualifies)

....if you own and listen to LPs/CDs which you don't even enjoy the music on
but they make your system sound really amazing

....if any of the following are on your speed dial

Your local high end shop
Your local music store

...if you've started a mutual fund for your kid's first system

...if your the cost of your analog rig could pay for a year at an Ivy League

...if your idea of a fun weekend is perusing garage sales and flea markets for

...if you routinely find yourself with a half-dozen or more unopened CDs/LPs
among your collection, simply for lack of 'listening time'

...your local high-end shop has put up a plaque dedicating their new analog
listening room in your name